Love and Logic

Love & Logic
Love & Logic

Love - affection, hugs & kisses, patience, comfort, kindness, emotional connection, liberation Logic - science, principles that govern, reason, system, sound judgment, inexorable truth

How are these 2 things connected?

Something amazing happens though when people effectively synthesize both in how they relate to others, especially those who are closely connected to children and youth.When there is healthy balance of affection and authority, young people positively respond and develop respect and responsibility. The primary indicator of whether or not a healthy balance exists is empathy - and it must be consistently, profoundly felt and fostered over time. When empathy is genuinely experienced in a relationship, kids regardless of age, are able to continue in their mental, physical, emotional, relational, sexual, and spiritual development.

What about limits? Kids will learn to live within limits when care-takers, (parents, grandparents, teachers, coaches) express empathy before enforcing limits. When the relationship is a context of emotional and relational health, kids testing limits become great learning opportunities. However without that health, limits lose their effectiveness and simply become points of contention.

LoveandLogic Eurasian family pic
LoveandLogic Eurasian family pic

I teach a class using a curriculum called, "Parenting with Love and Logic". It's a great resource that teaches moms and dads how to be both loving and powerful in their kids' lives. Educators can apply the principles as well although there are resources for them specifically.

Here's what some of my students said about the class:

“The information learned from the class was so practical. The teaching through the DVD was packed with wisdom, the workbook exercises reinforced what we had learned. The other part I really enjoyed was the class discussion and sharing. Cecil did a good job facilitating and guiding the discussion.

The content of the class was so impactful that I bought more books to read on Love and Logic.

I highly recommend the class to all parents, I wish I had taken the class a lot earlier so I could have avoided a lotof struggles with my sons.”

- D. Chan, Mother of 2 sons (18, 21) studying in a Counselor Program, SF 

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"This class definitely gave me new and effective ideas to deal with my 5 and 7 year olds.  The most powerful tool was learning how to be empathetic as well as many other informative and interesting techniques.  I really enjoyed the class led by Cecil." - Jenny Lee, Accounting Manager, Mother of 2

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“I recently took a great class that has dramatically changed my life.I had fun learning new skills to be a better mother but got so much more from the class.The skills that I have learned were not only useful in my everyday interaction with my children, friends and family, it has changed my life in the long run.If we have talked recently, you would have heard me raveabout what I have learned.Well, now YOU have a chance to change YOUR life.If you know me, then you know that I am not easy to impress but this class would be it.After taking this class, your family will not be the only ones benefiting, everyone around you will notice the changed person you will become!”

- Kristine, Mother of 3, SF

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“First of all, thank you so much for taking time out of your precious Tuesdays to lead the parenting class.   Your knowledge and wisdom on parenting as well as your personal parenting experience and challenges which you shared with the class  really gave me  excellent self awareness,  insights and tips on how to improve my personal relationships with my children.

Here are the positive insights and tips I gain from your class:

  1.  The vital importance of   EMPATHY.   

The secret to effective parenting and positive parent-child relationship  is the vital need for parents like myself to  show EMPATHY with our kids.  I made the effort to practice showing empathy (which I hardly do prior to this class except for being a cop always in telling them what to do and what not to do) to my kids at home whenever they are sad, unhappy, upset or seemed troubled by some personal struggles/problems/challenges. I realized the more empathy I show to them, the closer they bond with me, the more they are willing to share with me openly, the more they  play  and joke with me, and most importantly, the more they listen and do what I tell them willingly without showing bad attitudes.     Why?   Because they realized I acknowledged their  feelings and they feel I understand what they are going through.  So I learned the key to effective change of bad behaviors/attitudes in my kids start with establishing good personal relationships with them though showing empathy.  

  1.  Being humble in saying "Sorry" to my kids whenever I offended them.   I gain respect from them when I say sorry because it lets my boys know I can be wrong and make poor decisions,  just like them too.    
  2.  Being gentle but firm and consistent in discipline. Stay calm and not yell  but let them know I mean business  in following through the consequence of their  misbehavior or bad attitudes.
  3.  Do not give  out punishment  or  discipline when I am angry.

5.  Stop being too overly protective or controlling of my kids.   Be bold to allow them the freedom to make more  decisions as long as it's within safe limits instead of always watching over their shoulders and telling them what to do.   This will help them learn to problem solve as well as to learn from their own mistakes.   I come to realize I am actually not doing any bit of good for my kids when I constantly trying to prevent them from making mistakes by telling them what to do and what not to do.    Instead, allowing my kids to fail  by their own poor decision makings  is much more effective in learning a lesson.”

- L.Lieu, RN, Mother of 3 boys, San Francisco

Check out additional testimonials from the Love and Logic website.

Grow to Pursue BHAGs

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Untitled-3

At the 2015 Willow Creek Global Leadership Summit, I was again inspired by many great leaders sharing about things they're learning in their own work and development as people of influence. Here are some of my take aways from a session with Jim Collins. Big, hairy, audacious goals are an important part of meaningful work which contributes to a meaningful life. Achieving BHAG's is not certain. Pursuing them will mean failure, probably lots of it. But they are a part of great leadership and when people have the courage and love to pursue them, transformation occurs, usually in many people's lives as well as their own.

Jim framed his talk around these 7 questions:

  1. What cause do you serve with level 5 ambition?
  2. Will you settle for being a good leader or will you grow to be a great leader?
  3. How can you reframe failure as growth in pursuit of BHAG? 
  4. How can you succeed by helping others succeed? 
  5. Have you found your personal hedgehog? 
  6. Will you build your unit - your mini bus - into a pocket of greatness?
  7. How will you change the lives of others?

He concluded with 'life is people', a phrase he threaded through his talk. Being grateful for them, we should live to help them experience fulfillment and success. I would add never sacrificing that fundamental principle for productivity, career goals, or organizational priorities.

Working backwards, what I've gleaned from this wisdom are the following:

7. I want to be a liberating agent in the lives of those in my family, followed by friends and those I work with.

6. To build my family, my mini bus, into a pocket of greatness, I need to be mindful and intentional about who I am, bringing the best possible me, and fostering the growth and development of my co-leader, my wife. When both my wife and I are loving each other and our kids in liberating ways which facilitate ongoing maturation, we will not fail.

5. My personal hedgehog is still in the works but I've narrowed it down to maximizing connections - all kinds. I'm passionate about helping people heal, develop and transform. I'm gifted in being with others in encouraging and liberating ways. Finding the economic engine to drive it all is a current challenge.

4. The successes I've greatly appreciated and been energized by are the successes of those I've meaningfully engaged. Seeing them live in a new space, showing up differently with new desires, decisions, and actions is awesome.

3. Reframing failure as growth has been an incredible skill that has really kept me moving forward. One of my previous employers early on in my career said, "Remember that you'll be a lot better in 5 years." That stuck because it kept me from being anxious about not being good enough, and kept me focused on growing and improving. As a result, I was able to use failures as learning opportunities and this also increased my motivation to get better. I think reframing creates the much needed space and freedom to try things without fear. And without fear, my brain is able to learn and I'm able to develop and mature.

2. I didn't set out to be a great leader. But I think the central thing that has consistently moved me to get better has been love and always trying to submit to what healthy love desires. Just like Jim says, "Life is people." And to choose life is to choose to love people. As I listen and learn from great leaders, I'm finding that they too have this core value and it gets expressed in beautiful, powerful ways according to their uniqueness. Growing from good to great is simply honoring the core value of life in the battle over what is most important both in the short and long term.

  1. First off, here's Jim's definition of level 5 leadership:
  • Level 1, you are a highly capable individual.
  • Level 2, you become a contributing team member.
  • Level 3, you become a competent manager.
  • Level 4, you become an effective leader.
  • Level 5 requires a special blend of personal humility and professional will—the capacity to channel your personal ambitions and capabilities into a larger cause or mission. Level 5 leaders differ from Level 4 in that they are ambitious first and foremost for the cause, the organization, the mission, the nation, the work—not themselves—and they have the will to do whatever it takes (within the bounds of the organization's core values) to make good on that ambition.

The cause for which I am attempting to serve with level 5 ambition is elevating the empathy and skill of parents to raise a generation of people who will lead the world towards greater depths of love and higher levels of leadership. I see parents as the channels for greatest world change. When moms and dads get better, their families are transformed, communities are blessed, and nations grow in justice and freedom.

This is my BHAG. Boy do I need to grow. Boy do I need help.

These are my action items:

  • Continue to build my unit.
  • Reach out way more to connect with those who want to grow their family connections.
  • Continue to learn from others and be inspired.

Do Like A Hedgehog

This concept is taken from an old Greek parable about a fox and a hedgehog. "The story goes about the simple defense strategy of the hedgehog: rolling up into a ball the fox cannot attack. Despite the array of strategies it tries, the fox is never able to slay the hedgehog." (taken from Andy Bunarto's book review of Jim Collins' Good to Great.) What is the Hedgehog Concept? Check out these videos from Jim Collins.

Developing a hedgehog concept is a very powerful way to find authentic validation for who we are, what we're about, and how we can really impact the world with greatness. But there are a lot of things that get in our way of discovering and experiencing this life changing way to live and lead. Fear, jealousy, anxiety, worry, comparison just to name a few. So if we want to do like a hedgehog, it is absolutely essential to neutralize and eradicate those feelings of 'not being or doing enough'.

How do we do that?

Love.

Love is the virtuous gift that will cast away those terrorist-emotions. But let me qualify this love. It is courageous and vulnerable to pursue the truth about why we do what we do. It also brings to light what we feel when things go south and we fall into the fight, flight, or freeze mode. It's common to not want to think or talk about that stuff but that only keeps us from moving forward towards greater success and fulfillment, especially in what matters most - our relationships with those who make life worth living. As we grow a disposition that doesn't settle for default or instinctual perceptions and responses, a disposition that isn't afraid to navigate and engage the messy, painful (seemingly impossible to change) parts of our lives, we move forward with increased clarity and greater visibility into what's real. This love is willing to make the tough choices to change perspectives and deal with things with humility, mature capacities and resourcefulness, rather than child-like defaults. When we grow our awareness of [internal] things that get in the way, we can then effectively manage them rather than being under their enslavement.

Being empowered by courageous vulnerability, this love leads us to discover and embrace the truth with compassion because that is what the real big picture of our lives cries out for, not the lies of shame and loneliness. With this change in perspective, our hearts will sense God's empathy and release from the critical self-judgment or insecurities from focusing on what we don't have enough of. This frees us to see ourselves as worthy of love and acceptance without the need to be or do what we've always thought we needed to be or do.

Now back to doing like a hedgehog. To process the data points of our lives and come up with a single, unifying idea to better organize and lead ourselves, requires our learning channels to be wide open and our brains to make connections with all the data gathered and processed. Fear shuts this activity down. Empathy is the key that frees our brains to do what it was meant to do - powerfully process life's data points with wisdom to live and love greatly. Without those debilitating emotions of fear, anxiety, worry, jealousy, envy, we will gain so much more clarity about who we are, what we're truly worth, and what life really is about. Living with this great, loving acceptance and hope, will enable us to organize and prioritize in the most meaningful ways that unite our mind, soul, and spirit to do what we were made for. This is how we can develop growth mindsets for any and every area of life that we want and need to improve to find fulfillment. This is the level of health that will liberate us to do like a hedgehog - synthesize what we know about ourselves and abilities to develop a single, unifying understanding of what we're passionate about, what we can be the best at, and what will drive our economic engine.

Key to Being Present and Productive

How well do you shift from work to family and friends?

Vacation-Back to School pic
Vacation-Back to School pic

I recently came across this great video on work-life balance.

Family. Summer. Vacations. Rest. Recreation. Space and time to be with each other is essential for a healthy balanced life.

Work. Grades. Profession. Business. Responsibility. Revenue. Bottomline. Getting things done and making a living.

But often times, it's not uncommon to get stuck in work mode. It's quite natural since 40-60 (or more) hours can be spent being ultra-focused or multi-tasking, left with little to no energy for socializing, one on one bonding, or self-care.

  • How's your shifting from one to the other?
  • How well do you prioritize being productive at work and being present with your loved ones?
  • More importantly, how present are you when you're present?

In the last issue, I brought up the idea of a single, unifying principle that guides us to prioritize what matters most. But with so many important things - family, work - what should rise as top priority and get our greatest commitment and resources?

What unifying principle could substantially help us improve in everything?

The unifying principle that undergirds an organization's plans and operations(a family, company, or institution) will have substantial, significant outcomes. If this governing philosophy is going to produce great outcomes, it needs to pursue the balance of being present and productive and helping people shift well from one to the other.

Developing this kind of highly positive guidance requires wisdom and understanding in various areas - technology, finances, management, relationships, and leadership. But what is often overlooked are intangibles that make for greatness, the love factor - how real and connected we are, how we inspire and influence, how we genuinely care for the inner well being of others and ourselves, and ultimately it's how we're able to dig deep, make brave decisions to let go of what's not working, and experience liberation. This level of authenticity only comes when people grow and prioritize the uncomfortable and arduous work of resolving dysfunctional areas of relational ability and emotional health in order to deal with root challenges. Courage to explore and find compassion (for others and self) with another is the key to having a life that is both present and productive. Of course the character of this person is hugely important. But more about that another time.

Last month I suggested Brene Brown's TED talk on "Listening to Shame". Well, there's another one she gave on "The Power of Vulnerability" where she went into how her research findings fundamentally changed the way she lives, loves, works and parents - sounds like a single unifying principle that radically transforms everything. This is the key - navigating the embedded stories written through the years of joys and sorrows, people and pain, events and errors. And on that journey, finding that we are worthy of love and belonging, regardless of how smart, good, or strong we are.

The Key: In a genuine, safe relationship, cultivate fuller awareness and disclosure of who you are and your story, then bravely discover and receive unconditional love and acceptance for yourself from those who care deeply for you.

Why? Because this addresses our fears and insecurities about who and what we are. This must be healed and strengthened so that we don't depend on appearance and performance for security and significance. This will open our learning channels so we can gather and process data (internal and external) as we are no longer obsessed with how we look or achieve in order to be acceptable. The more transparent we get, the more secure we become and thus pushing out fear and worries of not being enough.

Not only so, but this key also emboldens us to discern what is most important and be able to prioritize what truly needs our greatest intentionality and commitment. When we are not preoccupied with our fears, we are able to see the bigger picture and get a much better perspective of the needs of those we love, especially their need for belonging and trust.

All this goes towards formulating the single, unifying principle to guide us into effectively being present and productive (a transformative process), wisely prioritizing what matters most to experience great fulfillment (presence) and success (productivity).

Connections Check

wheelsample
wheelsample

How are your connections doing?

  1. How connected are you to your past? Sometimes people want to forget it but don't realize that may be their source of getting stuck. Not being able to move forward or change our historical patterns often times is an indicator that we haven't processed the past effectively to understand it courageously and compassionately. Positive connection to the past is seeing it as part of our story which is unfolding today with greater clarity as we get better and better at understanding what happened to us with candor and grace.
  2. How about our parents? When we're young, we need our parents to provide, teach, and lead us to become independent, responsible, caring people. But that connection needs to change as we become adults; we can't really be ourselves if we're always under their authority. Healthy parents prepare their kids for launch - with no strings attached. This is even more important when / if we marry. How many dysfunctional families do you know of where moms and dads still have say over their kids' adult lives and marriages - yuck!
  3. If we're married, what about our spouses? They are the most important person on the earth for us; at least that's what we said when we married them. We are one flesh with them. God intended this relationship to be the most accurate reflection of His image. No wonder all hell breaks loose when this relationship goes south.
  4. If we have kids, how are we connecting to their hearts? So many moms and dads are preoccupied with their education and development - with truck loads of extracurriculars and recreation. And all that is incredibly important. But if the heart is ignored, neglected, or simply unknown, we miss out on what's most important - our kids' true selves and being a significant support in helping them be authentic to find their passion and purpose.
  5. How connected are we to our finances? Budgets, cash flow, investments, college savings, retirement, insurances, mortgages can create quite a complex situation. Are we educated and equipped to make healthy decisions for long term growth and stability?
  6. The future? How much thought have we given to the next decade? Do we have one left? Two? Three? Five? Will we become isolated or will we thrive in community? How long will our savings last? Will we have health to enjoy or at least minimize the health bills? To create a positive future, we need clarity, sound choices, creativity, and commitment to what's most important. Have we structured those elements as priorities?
  7. How connected are we to our health? It's common to work and work and work with minimal self care and then be shocked with acute health issues that aren't easily gotten over. Or worse, experiencing big challenges like cancer, stroke, heart attack, auto immune diseases which put huge strains on relationships and finances. Not that this is bad, but just an indicator that we need to be well connected to our health.
  8. What about our inner life? Vision, goals, fears, limitations, desires, faith, and love? What about our souls and God? Moreover, how connected are we to the ways we manage pain and stress? All those elements of our interior world reveal our frame of reference - whether we're fear-based, love-based, other-centered, God-centered, self-centered. Our inner life is the place where real security, significance and strength reside. God wants to free our inner lives to experience His power there. But too often, we neglect this most essential part of us and miss out on the amazing outcomes He intended from the beginning.
  9. How connected are we to our work? If it consumes us, we may be too connected. If we dread it, we're disengaged. If it's fulfilling, the connection is positive and meaningful! If it doesn't capture our interest and passion, maybe it's time to find new work. Does it force our loved ones to compete for our time and attention?
  10. How connected are you to what's most important to you? Your needs, wants, dreams? Growing your relationships with your loved ones, those who bring the deepest joy and peace to your heart? Love is the greatest gift of all and it is what our souls want and need the most. But are there things that keep getting in the way? What activities consistently take time away from what your heart needs the most?
  11. How connected are you to God? He's the life source - the author and completer of your life. He's the redeemer who knows everyone's reality and has empathized with us in the greatest way through Christ, His Son. Through the death and resurrection of Jesus, God has revealed His greatest, long term (eternal) solution for all our tragedies, failures, hurts, and desolations. The cross speaks of the central significance of pain and death in God's mind and heart. The resurrection proclaims the power of His Spirit to restore, renew, and even reframe our most desperate losses and deficiencies. In Christ, we have absolute hope in the midst of our overwhelming moments of loneliness and pain.

Which connections do you resonate with? If none, what connections are important to you and what are you doing with them?

Mining for Gratitude: Some Thoughts from Psalm 118

Are we thankful yet? It's Thanksgiving for goodness sake lol! It's funny how we can't just make ourselves feel thankful. Gratitude is the result of something done to or for us. Digging into Psalm 118, I found a precious truth that reveals how deep, life changing gratitude happens!

Psalms_118-1
Psalms_118-1

1 Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good; his love endures forever. What calls forth deep gratitude from our hearts? It’s God’s goodness and love. But often times, we may be looking for His goodness and love in all the wrong places, which implies we ourselves are not in a place to receive and experience all that He has for us. I’m not talking about physical geography but rather, where we are spiritually / emotionally in our lives. Where our minds tend to dwell and abide when we interact with the world and the people in our lives determines whether we are able to connect with God’s mercy and grace. It really boils down to who we are, where we find our worth, and what we think life's about. In other words, how we identify ourselves, how we relate to God, and how we understand our struggles.

2 Let Israel say: “His love endures forever.” The psalmist first calls Israelites to proclaim His eternal love. This is our identity at the national level (in a spiritual way) – to belong to a people whose name means, ‘those who struggle with God and men and overcome’. To be able to experience God’s amazing grace, we must be people who engage the spiritual and emotional struggles that God allows to come our way. And we must learn to engage in the way which God determines it as a success. God’s way is always overcoming evil with good. And this is a huge indicator that we are experiencing real, divine love – we overcome the internal struggles against our own ‘evil’ and the ‘evil’ of others with goodness and love from God.

3 Let the house of Aaron say: “His love endures forever.” Second and more specifically, we need to be of the house of Aaron, meaning, we need to be priests; not in the conventional sense with white collars and what not, but Biblical, New Testament priests, which every believer is called to be. To experience God’s deep, transforming love we need to become well acquainted with the inner life - all the emotions, sorrow, and hurt - so that we can bring acceptable offerings to God as well as intercede meaningfully for others.

4 Let those who fear the Lord say: “His love endures forever.” And thirdly to experience eternal kindness that moves us to deep gratitude, we need to take God and His Word seriously, more seriously than we take ourselves, our responsibilities, our goals and dreams, our fears and hurts, and even the incessant stream of thoughts that go through our minds everyday. ‘The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom.’ There is a strong connection between wisdom and real, life changing thankfulness. Wisdom is knowledge and understanding into God and His ways which results in a life of joy and peace. Wisdom is humbly walking with God to experience and process all of life (especially emotional pains) in ways that grow beauty and strength in our character and relationships. Wisdom is having inner life skills (business world often calls them soft skills) that enable one to be saved from the ways of wicked men and the adulteress. Those designations refer to unfaithful ways of dealing with desires and pain – ways that don’t seriously consider God’s goodness and power, but rather resort to hostility, hiding, seduction, and manipulation. But none of those ever result in true thanksgiving, only destruction of self and others.

5 When hard pressed, I cried to the Lord; he brought me into a spacious place. When was the last time you felt hard pressed? The King James Bible calls it, ‘distress’. The Message Bible phrases it, ‘Pushed to the wall’. The idea is getting backed into a corner with a fear of not being able to get free - trapped with no alternatives but defeat. If left in this place, we would end in despair without hope. It’s being in a place of powerlessness and poverty which prevents us from being and doing what is meaningful for us. People work really hard to not end up in this place. Pursuing financial wealth, power, control, prestige, and physical health are ways to protect ourselves and our families from being hard pressed. There’s inherently nothing wrong with those pursuits but if we use them apart from a transparent and vulnerable relationship with God where we wholeheartedly trust in His love and goodness, then we will not be open to His work and blessing in our hearts to grow gratitude. And when you did feel hard pressed, did you cry to the Lord for mercy, believing in His love and delight in you, that He would rescue your heart (as revealed and proven through Christ’s death and resurrection for us)? If we don’t believe or feel that there’s grace in the universe, that there’s no one there for us, negative emotions will continue to constrict and suffocate our hope, making our hearts sick. Faith that Jesus reveals the heart of God brings us into a spacious place and opens us to God’s help and healing. “It was for freedom that Christ set us free; therefore keep standing firm and do not be subject again to a yoke of slavery.” Slavery is a great metaphor to help us understand what it means to be hard pressed. As a slave, we are totally limited in what we can and cannot do - to the point of letting go of our dignity, succumbing to an existence without love and meaning. When we are in emotional distress, we feel inadequate and we don’t feel like we have choices. The pain of shame and rejection debilitate us from healing and redemptive actions. We often find ourselves not even wanting to pursue positive change because hopelessness and bitter self-sufficiency might be so ingrained in our hearts. Freedom and spaciousness are the last things from our minds. We get tunnel vision and only see desperation and pain, fueled by the fear of despair. Being hard pressed is that place where are tempted to give up, sever ties, and resign to deep, harmful compromises in our character and relationships. Crying to the Lord is the wisest and most powerful thing we can do to overcome painful distress. When we believe in the God who is not only a powerful benevolent Creator, but also the perfect Father who is empathy at His core, our hearts are stirred and moved to trust in a childlike way, the healthy way our hearts were created to trust in the One who both made us and redeemed us by His Gospel.

6 The Lord is with me; I will not be afraid. What can mere mortals do to me? This is the potent resolve which frees us from the fear and pain of being hard pressed. This heart felt confidence opens our minds to the many possibilities that God has in store to heal us and help us to recover from any and every hurt, habit, or hang up. Courage because of Emmanuel (God with us) empowers us to see people as they truly are - mere mortals - all under God’s authority. Fearing God and not men is essential to being thankful for God’s loving kindness as it expands and clarifies our perspective into the human condition - that everyone is frail, temporal, and susceptible to greater powers such as death. Knowing that the Immortal One is truly with me, not only His presence but His heart, gives us the strength we need to pursue goodness and mercy in the midst of our hard-pressedness.

7 The Lord is with me; he is my helper. I look in triumph on my enemies. The Empathizing God helps me overcome the enemy of my soul, ie. distress and fear caused by pain, shame, affliction, rejection and hopelessness. Victory in this internal struggle / trial calms the storm in the sea of my emotions. And I experience sunshine, peace and calm which yields a heart of great appreciation for all that God does for me which I cannot do myself.

8 It is better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in humans. 9 It is better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in princes. Trusting people and those in authority is good but not as a refuge from the storms of distress. They are very limited in their strength and ability to comfort us. When it comes to finding ultimate safety and protection from the damages of internal strife, we need to go directly to the One whose heart is 100% with us. He genuinely knows our pain and afflictions and He knows how to lead us to the spacious place, the place of real refuge.

10 All the nations surrounded me, but in the name of the Lord I cut them down. 11 They surrounded me on every side, but in the name of the Lord I cut them down. 12 They swarmed around me like bees, but they were consumed as quickly as burning thorns; in the name of the Lord I cut them down. 13 I was pushed back and about to fall, but the Lord helped me. 14 The Lord is my strength and my defense; he has become my salvation. Being hard pressed and in emotional distress is not a small thing; it is likened to having the whole world against us attacking on every side. Like being in the midst of swarming insects, fear and confusion leave us screaming for relief. If we identify with anything or anyone less than the One who is perfect love and strength, we will get pushed back and fall without ability to get back up. But if we find our identity in the God who has revealed His heart through Jesus Christ, we will find strength, defense, and salvation. No matter how overwhelming the odds and how numerous and powerful the forces and arrows of distress, the identity of God is able to consume them ‘as quickly as burning thorns’. We need to find ourselves in this God.

15 Shouts of joy and victory resound in the tents of the righteous: “The Lord’s right hand has done mighty things! 16 The Lord’s right hand is lifted high; the Lord’s right hand has done mighty things!” 17 I will not die but live, and will proclaim what the Lord has done. Experiencing overwhelming, desperate moments with God’s comfort and help leads us to processions of victorious celebration. Our hearts are filled with praise and thanksgiving for the everlasting love that overcomes our fears and hurts. Rather than being overcome by hostility and wrath, we overcome with faith and mercy; we receive the gift of grace that wins us over to be willing to hope, forgive, and love eternally. And as God gives us these victories, we are able to live and not die to help others find the hope and gratitude that is found in God alone.

18 The Lord has chastened me severely, but he has not given me over to death. 19 Open for me the gates of the righteous; I will enter and give thanks to the Lord. 20 This is the gate of the Lord through which the righteous may enter. Jesus tells us in Matthew 7:13, 14, “Enter through the narrow gate; for the gate is wide and the way is broad that leads to destruction, and there are many who enter through it. For the gate is small and the way is narrow that leads to life, and there are few who find it.” The context of this passage is one of judging others and how we need to judge ourselves first to see things clearly. These moments of judgment cause conflict and distress. This is the fertile ground of negative emotions and an environment ripe for hostility. Yet Jesus instructs us to ask, seek, and knock for God’s great gifts in the midst of these times (Matt.7:7-12). Going through distressful moments with faith in God is the narrow gate which leads to life. Going to God for comfort is a radical expression of faith in the profound, often painful, yet most meaningful moments of our lives. Distress and hard-pressedness create a very narrow entryway which people usually try their best to avoid. Yet the Lord uses hard pressed moments to discipline / disciple us to become people who bring life and peace to all the places we go each and every day. As we find comfort from God, we are able to comfort those around us (2 Corinthians 1:4)

21 I will give you thanks, for you answered me; you have become my salvation. 22 The stone the builders rejected has become the cornerstone; 23 the Lord has done this, and it is marvelous in our eyes. 24 The Lord has done it this very day; let us rejoice today and be glad. This way of living is foundational to being a child of God, ie. a person full of thanks for God’s mercy and goodness. It is the initial stone to set the orientation of the rest of the building. When we are hard pressed and we apply wholehearted trust in God’s truth and grace, it transforms the orientation of our lives and we marvel at the incredible work of God in our character to reflect His own.

25 Lord, save us! Lord, grant us success! 26 Blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord. From the house of the Lord we bless you. 27 The Lord is God, and he has made his light shine on us. With boughs in hand, join in the festal procession up to the horns of the altar. 28 You are my God, and I will praise you; you are my God, and I will exalt you. 29 Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good; his love endures forever. As we overcome struggles of distress, emotional hurts, and pitfalls of despair, by God’s saving work and ways, we experience the success He wants for us - to be one who comes in the name of the Lord! And this identity reflects the light of God’s grace and truth, especially in the midst of distress. As we continue to grow in this way of life and love, we grow in greater and deeper worship of the God who is good and whose love endures forever! And being a worshiper is the epitome of wholehearted gratitude!

“But an hour is coming, and now is, when the true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and truth; for such people the Father seeks to be His worshipers. God is spirit, and those who worship Him must worship in spirit and truth.” John 4;23, 24

As you celebrate and enjoy the holidays, I encourage you to grow hearts of thankfulness by paying attention to your distress and hard pressed moments. More importantly, remember to cry to the Lord with faith and hope in His love which endures forever! Make those crucial identity determining decisions. Then expect to experience God's great work in your heart to bring you to the spacious place of His grace and gratitude.

Keeping It Real

keepingitreal
keepingitreal

"Keep it real". This is a pretty common expression. What do people mean when they use it? Here's some definitions from Urbandictionary.com: To not be fake. Be yourself. to not inhibit yourself or pretend to be something you are not. When someone does not change who they are or what they believe due to societal pressures. Especially true with regards to someone who has attained some financial success but does not change their behavior. Alternatively, may relate to someone who maintains connections to their ethnic background in a multicultural environment. Not only tell the truth, but specifically get to the point of the actual matter at hand, rather than beating around the bush. a closing statement used to say goodbye and often by Christians as a reminder to keep their faith real - as in not hypocritical.

For my purposes, let’s begin with some dictionary.com definitions:

"keep" to hold or retain in one's possession; hold as one's own: ie. if you like it, keep it to maintain (some action), especially in accordance with specific requirements, a promise, etc.: ie. to keep watch, keep in step to cause to continue in a given position, state, course, or action:, ie. to keep a light burning to maintain in condition or order, as by care and labor, ie. he keeps his car in good condition. to maintain in usable or edible condition; preserve:, ie. if you want to keep meat for a long time, freeze it.

So whatever 'it' is, we should hold onto it as an invaluable possession. We ought to maintain 'it' according to Biblical requirements. We want to continue in 'it' so we can experience its power and benefit.

"real" true; not merely ostensible, nominal, or apparent:existing or occurring as fact; actual rather than imaginary, ideal, or fictitious: ie. a story taken from real life. being an actual thing; having objective existence; not imaginary: ie. The events you will see in the film are real and not just made up. being actually such; not merely so-called: ie. a real victory. genuine; not counterfeit, artificial, or imitation; authentic: ie. a real antique; a real diamond; real silk. unfeigned or sincere: ie. real sympathy; a real friend. Informal. absolute; complete; utter: ie. She's a real brain.

Also, whatever 'it' is, we should know it is absolute truth and not nominal or just apparent. We ought to be aware that 'it' is actually such and not just so-called. Not just profession but sincere, unfeigned confession!

And the most important definition, what is “it”? What do I want to keep real, to be authentic about? Or a better question might be WHO. Who can say to us we’re being genuine or phony?

Well coming from a Biblical faith background, my answer is God and Jesus - the right answers to 90% of all Sunday school questions, LOL. But why? Saying that it’s God makes sense, since He’s the creator and as such, He knows our purpose; He knows whether we are being real humans or not, ie. true images of Himself. But with Jesus, it may get a bit more complicated. After all, He was a human being. But being a Christian, I also affirm His deity.

See, being being both human and divine actually gives Him even more grounds for defining ‘it’. As God, He knows our purpose and design; as Man, He knows our frailty and even our mortality. Biggest thing that makes Him the One to determine ‘it’ is His resurrection. Being able to come back from death pretty much seals the deal. Whatever He says is truth! But enough of that; all I’m saying is Jesus is the sole determiner of what ‘it’ should be.

But before identifying 'it', I also want to ask why do we need to keep it real.

There has been so much damage done in the name of Christ and the Bible that it really behooves the church and followers of Jesus to put ‘keeping it real’ at the top of each day's priorities. It is so common to read the Bible and have little or no idea how it connects to real life. No wonder why many Christians struggle to connect their church life with their non-church life. As such, many professing believers / church goers don't know what to keep real or how to do it. Yet this is so critically important for those who profess to be followers of Jesus and worshippers of the one true God. Being a disciple means being a learner and being a worshipper means whatever we're learning should be growing our praise and adoration of God to the point of it directing all we do.

It’s even more important for those who teach the Bible (especially to kids) to consistently and meaningfully connect Bible stories and passages to daily living. Jesus warns against false teaching and causing young people to stumble. The book of James tells us that teachers will be judged more harshly.

Keeping it real actually helps you interpret and understand the Bible in the way it was intended - to address the inner life (relationships, emotions, identity, addictions, etc) and teach what it takes to experience true freedom. Keeping it real helps us be clear about the context of our lives. Scholars and seminarians always emphasize context as primary and essential to faithful interpretation. Ultimately, this means that Biblical clarity requires a grasp of the entire Bible (which gives us a comprehensive context with its 7 genres / sections) and seeing Jesus at the center of all its teachings. We must look to Jesus, who He is and what He did, and the Biblical context to define our ‘it’.

First, what is the Biblical context? From Genesis to Revelation, we see God's salvation story of a broken relationship between Him and people who've lost their way. We see God promising and sending His Son, Jesus Christ to redeem, resurrect, and redefine humanity to give all those who believe eternal life. It's about God's rescue of people who couldn't save themselves from wrecking and destroying their relationships, families, communities, and nations with pride and fear.

Secondly, who is Jesus and what did He do? He is the Word of God become a human being to be a sacrificial atonement for our sins. He fully identified with us so that He could truly be our substitute in taking our just punishment. As one of us, He died in our place and reconciled us to God. Moreover why and how He did this are of equal importance. Jesus’ motivation was love and oneness - He wanted to be one with us just as He is one with the Father, in an intimate, covenant-based relationship (like a marriage). How He did this is even more revealing of the ‘it’. He did this through a Roman execution instrument - a wooden cross. This cruel tool was intended to maximize shame and pain by a public, prolonged display of the condemned, whose hands and feet were nailed thus keeping the person in an exposed, vulnerable position and unable to physically protect himself in any manner. He suffered all this to make a new and living way back to God the Father.

Why God the Father? Because at the core, we have an identity crisis. We are sinners through our lineage to Adam. The choice of unbelief resulted in shame and a loss of union with God. The Garden of Delight (Eden) was no longer their home. Then came jealousy and hostility, the offspring of enmity (opposite of intimacy). Through the fall, people become trouble makers rather than peacemakers. Look at history and it’s easy to see our identity crisis. If not for God, we all die spiritually, relationally, and emotionally by avoidance (suicide) or aggression (homicide).

In Jesus’ words, we need to be born again. Another way to put it is, we need to receive a new identity by trusting in His death on the cross which resulted in resurrection. Put another way, God transforms us when we wholeheartedly believe in Christ as the way, truth, and life and resultingly expose our shame and pain to Him with whatever vulnerability we can muster. Real change requires vulnerability and transparency in the midst of an intimate relationship. This is ‘it’. We need to keep our relationships with God and loved ones ‘real’; intimacy, vulnerability, and transparency as core values. We must prioritize them everyday so that we show up as different people (on the inside) wherever we go and in whatever we’re doing. Most importantly when conflict and tensions arise, we need to be people who seek God's help to not fall into the temptation to avoid or attack. We also need to be honest about our tendencies to distract and addict ourselves with work, play, or substances to comfort our pain and stresses. When we approach life differently in an authentic relationship with God, we will show up differently in our relationships with people.

In addition, when we mention relationships, we must be aware that we are also talking about identity. Relationships define and affect identity. I guess you could say they are 2 sides of the same coin. If our relationships (with God and others) are healthy and strong, we know who we are, what we’re worth, and what life is about. In the absence of healthy relationships, we’re lost and alone with little or no sense of worth or purpose, spiraling out of control, all the while frantically grasping for control that we’ll never obtain. When we keep it real, it brings health to our relationships which will in turn help us build healthy ways of seeing ourselves.

To sum up the why, we need to keep it real because it moves us into relationship with God, engages us into the very passionate work of God as revealed in His Word to transform us into the image of His Son, Jesus Christ. Keeping it real is abiding in what is most important to Him as He is the One who determines what's real or not, as well as who is real or not.

So what is ‘it’?

‘It’ is our identity in Christ.

Jesus said in John 15:1-4, “I am the true grapevine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch of mine that doesn’t produce fruit, and he prunes the branches that do bear fruit so they will produce even more. You have already been pruned and purified by the message I have given you. Remain in me, and I will remain in you. For a branch cannot produce fruit if it is severed from the vine, and you cannot be fruitful unless you remain in me.”

Do you see how central this is to following Jesus? Every fruitless branch is cut off. Remaining in Christ is the ONLY way to experience fruitfulness.

There are 2 very important things to see here. Pruned: A real connection with God results in pruning by the message of Christ. This means He cuts off other confidences, trusts, and loyalties. In the process of growing up, struggling through adolescence and functioning as productive members of society, we develop many internal loyalties to culture and family of origin dysfunctions. Through the Gospel, God wants to prune those loyalties that are anti-Gospel / anti-Christ so that we can experience fruit in our lives, the outcomes of spiritual and emotional health and maturity - love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, goodness, faithfulness, and self control. Remain: In a real relationship with God, we ought to pursue remaining in this pruned state. We have many situations and opportunities to function in a non-pruned state because much of the time, this is a default mode which does not involve conscious thought. An example would be my tendency to avoid conflict when I get into tensions and arguments with my wife, kids, or coworkers. Or perhaps it is the inclination to distract myself with work and play in order to not think about relational stress and dysfunction.

To experience the powerful, transforming results of the Gospel, we need to live from the peacemaker identity of Christ, wholehearted confidence in Him while keeping in mind / abiding in heart the why and how of His death and resurrection. Keeping it real is about being preoccupied with God’s heart, our hearts, and the hearts of those we live and work with. This spiritual focus gets us doing things that God wants us doing - doing what is just, loving mercy, and humbly walking with Him (Micah 6:8).

Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God. Matthew 5:9

God calls them His children because they’re keeping it real!

Family Workshop in the Financial District

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I am partnering with 2 other brothers in Christ to offer a workshop called, "Growing Your Family’s Significance, Strength, and Security". The presentation will have 3 parts with the primary one being about discipleship at home; it will be followed by segments on finance and mediation services. Our presentation will provide your members with inspiration, encouragement, and tools to help them fortify their families. We will leave cards and brochures in case anyone is interested in connecting with us after the event.
 
Here are my presentation partners:
Rodney Suzuki has been in financial management for over 20 years.  He is a managing associate at MassMutual Financial in San Francisco.  Rod provides a wide range of financial service and advice for individual families and businesses.  He is a deacon at Christ United Presbyterian Church.
 
Steve Wilson has been a business lawyer for 40 years.  He is a partner in San Francisco's oldest law firm, Weintraub Tobin,  founded in 1852.  Steve provides a wide range of corporate and real estate law services to California businesses and to many churches and para-church organizations as well as secular nonprofits.  He has been a Stephen Minister for 20 years and has founded and helped direct succesful Stephen Ministry programs at two churches.  As a member of California Christian Conciliation Services, he also provides experienced mediation and arbitration services to help people of faith resolve disputes out of court and in accordance with Scripture. 
 
 
The workshop will be held at 101 Montgomery, Suite 600 on Monday, June 23rd, 12-1:30pm . Please leave a comment to indicate attendance by Monday, June 9. That'll help me with food orders.
 
If you are not able to make that meeting, but are still interested in the presentation, please let me know and we will try to work out a way to come to you.
If you have any questions, feel free to contact me. I'd love to get acquainted. Those of you who already know me, let's get together and catch up!
FamilyConnectionsCoach@gmail.com
Here's a snapshot of the workshop:
"Growing Your Family’s Significance, Strength, and Security"
Presenters: Cecil Wong, Rodney Suzuki, Steve Wilson
Where: 101 Montgomery, Suite 600
When: June 23rd, 12 - 1:30pm
Cost: $10 (to cover lunch)

THE Goal

Goal so Big
Goal so Big

What is THE goal in life? If we had to single out one, what would it be? How should we even try to determine it? Today is Good Friday, the day on the Christian calendar to commemorate Christ's death on the cross. Before Jesus breathed His last breath, He said, “It is finished!” He accomplished His goal. What was it and should it be THE goal? From the Bible, and even the Gospel, it seems like THE goal is rest. Btw, we know physically that rest is really important for our bodies to restore and recharge; we're supposed to spend a third of our lives sleeping so that's got to say something! What if there's a spiritual rest that is equally or more significant? Well, follow this muse with me.

Let’s start at the beginning, Genesis 1 and 2. After 6 days of work, God entered His rest, the Sabbath.

“By the seventh day God had finished the work he had been doing; so on the seventh day he rested from all his work.” Gen.2:2

On the 7th day of creation, He stopped doing. Why would a day of rest count as a day of creation? Perhaps resting is the high point or climax? Could it be THE goal? Considering the next verse, it seems very possible:

“Then God blessed the seventh day and made it holy, because on it he rested from all the work of creating that he had done.” Gen.2:3

The 7th day was blessed and set apart to be all about what was most important to the Creator - rest. God didn’t bless and make holy any other day. First 6 days, He spoke, it was so, and it was good; 6th day after people were created, it was very good. But evidently, there’s something extraordinarily special about the 7th. If creation were a mountain, “The good is the base, the holy is the summit.” (Abraham Heschel, The Sabbath, p.75).

So what exactly is the Sabbath about that identifies it as blessed and holy? If we look around Genesis 2:1-3, we see immediately following the passage about the garden of Eden and what happened there. Eden means ‘delight’ and in this delight, man and woman come together to be one flesh, they join together in the marriage union. The Apostle Paul tells us in Ephesians 5:32 that marriage is a profound mystery because it is actually about Christ and the Church. It seems like this rest is about the union of God and Man. Could being united be THE goal of God’s creation?

What if God’s goal for His people is rest? Does it seem reasonable and Biblical that His goal is to be one with His people, to be united in heart, soul, mind, and body? What if the Sabbath / union has been God’s destination for people since creation. It even seems like the Sabbath might somehow be connected to Jesus as Jesus is the union of God and man. If that were the case, THE goal would be Jesus, to worship Him,  to be with Him, to be one with Him. And the Bible reveals an incredibly huge and transcendent understanding of Jesus; check out Colossians 1:15-20

The Son is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn over all creation. For in him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things have been created through him and for him. He is before all things, and in him all things hold together. And he is the head of the body, the church; he is the beginning and the firstborn from among the dead, so that in everything he might have the supremacy. For God was pleased to have all his fullness dwell in him,and through him to reconcile to himself all things, whether things on earth or things in heaven, by making peace through his blood, shed on the cross.

Really sounds like He is THE goal! If we’re willing to believe that, our destiny / goal is found in who God is in Christ. He defines the maturity of who we are and through His death and resurrection (the Gospel), He has made our maturity a very real and possible reality.

Furthermore, Hebrews 4 gives an even deeper idea of what this maturity is.

A Sabbath-Rest for the People of God, Heb.4:1-16

(Btw, Hebrews is about the supremacy of Jesus)

Therefore, since the promise of entering his rest still stands, let us be careful that none of you be found to have fallen short of it. For we also have had the good news proclaimed to us, just as they did; but the message they heard was of no value to them, because they did not share the faith of those who obeyed. Now we who have believed enter that rest, just as God has said,

“So I declared on oath in my anger, ‘They shall never enter my rest.’”

And yet his works have been finished since the creation of the world. For somewhere he has spoken about the seventh day in these words: “On the seventh day God rested from all his works.” And again in the passage above he says, “They shall never enter my rest.”

Therefore since it still remains for some to enter that rest, and since those who formerly had the good news proclaimed to them did not go in because of their disobedience, God again set a certain day, calling it “Today.” This he did when a long time later he spoke through David, as in the passage already quoted:

“Today, if you hear his voice, do not harden your hearts.”

For if Joshua had given them rest, God would not have spoken later about another day. There remains, then, a Sabbath-rest for the people of God; for anyone who enters God’s rest also rests from their works, just as God did from his. Let us, therefore, make every effort to enter that rest, so that no one will perish by following their example of disobedience.

For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart. Nothing in all creation is hidden from God’s sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account.

JESUS THE GREAT HIGH PRIEST

Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has ascended into heaven, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to the faith we profess. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet he did not sin. Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.

See how many times the writer emphasizes the reality of a rest that we need to make every effort to enter. To get a better grasp of this rest, here’s a list of elements I got from this passage:

  • belief (vv.2-3)
  • today (v.7)
  • heart (vv.7, 12)
  • no works (v.10)
  • being transparent and vulnerable; deep discernment and exposure of thoughts and attitudes (vv.12-13)
  • empathy (v.15)
  • confidence (v.16)
  • grace (v.16)

Reflecting on that list, it looks like God wants to grow us to a place of spiritual maturity where our hearts are ever-increasingly open to Him. With that openness, we boldly approach Him daily to be in the presence of grace which renews our minds and hearts to live with a confidence born from taking our deepest and most intimate secrets, shame, guilt, fears, pain, and anxiety to our loving Heavenly Father for comfort and encouragement. When we are reshaped through being in God’s rest, we grow to be one with Christ so that we too can be a presence of grace and empathy to help others enter and experience God’s rest.

If Jesus is THE goal, what goal will He take the place of in your life? How will THE goal reprioritize your time and resources? What action will you commit to today that reflects Him as your Sabbath rest / THE goal?

Vulnerability + Desire = Passionate Love

Vulnerable
Vulnerable

My church is currently (January - March 2014) going through the Song of Solomon, a pretty obscure and unfamiliar book to a lot of people, even church folk. But it is a great revelation of God's desire for marriages and a beautiful poem of passionate love. The expressions of the lovers requires some homework (pretty easy with the internet) to understand and appreciate but the studious effort is rewarded with insight into what makes for healthy marriages.

So reflecting on this sacred writing got me to think about my marriage. I’ve been married to May, for over 2 decades. I am totally in love with her, really crazy about her but how do I express it? These are the eloquent things that flow from my lips:

"Hey Honey, how was your day?" and of course, "What's for dinner?”

I do say, "I love you" every morning when I'm off to work and at night before going to sleep. But it all pales pretty pathetically compared to the things that Solomon says to his wife in Song of Songs.

As I read this book, I am overwhelmed by the many expressions of deep desire,  passionate obsession, joyous delight, and even profound longing. How in love are these lovers!. And it is a love relationship which inspires those around them.

So many references to awesome fragrances and delectable food to describe the enjoyment of the lovers for each other. Pomegranates are mentioned quite a bit; I found that Hebrew writers often used this fruit as a symbol for harmony and peace where 2 people are living in authentic oneness or concord, (total opposite of discord). This kind of peace is definitely the foundation for a healthy life of love and sex. But how do we experience this?

By being vulnerable. And God gives us frequent opportunities to do so. If it's been awhile since we've let our guard down, we may miss the more subtle ones but don't worry, the bigger, louder, attention getting opps never fail to surface, even if we've ignored them with previous success.

But why do we deprioritize this value that is so clearly embodied by Jesus, especially when He went to the cross?

Because it scares us to death. And if we’ve experienced a lot of hurt, combined with insecurity, we’ve probably worked hard, really hard, to protect ourselves. Nevertheless, if we’re going to be real in life, love, and family, we must surrender to Christ’s call to deny ourselves, pick up the cross, and follow Him even into something so terrifying as vulnerability.

Following Jesus is a journey into vulnerability. When we are vulnerable, we open ourselves to good and bad. We open ourselves to pain and pleasure. But most importantly, we open ourselves to God. James 4:6 says, "God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble." Christ-like humility is being vulnerable. God's grace can only be received when our guard is down and we are open to God's good work in us. And when we receive His unconditional love and grace, we will also be able to give it. This is the beginning of true intimacy. We can’t give what we don’t have. Jesus said in Matthew 6, we don’t have because we don’t ask. We don’t ask because we try to be invulnerable. Invulnerable people don’t ask for mercy and grace on an ongoing basis. But this is exactly what we need to grow unconditional love in our most intimate relationships, most especially, our marriages.

By having this grace-based unconditional love, God makes us open to dealing honestly with the tensions that regularly come up. This also requires us to be brave and aware of our feelings enough to share openly about them. Of course, this too is God’s good work in us. This is what God meant and intended for us in Genesis 2 about being naked and unashamed. This is the essence of a real marriage and it is how I am defining healthy vulnerability. When we aren't being naked and unashamed, can we be intimate and loving with our spouse? Big time NO! When we aren’t being vulnerable, can we even be faithful reflections (image) of God, ruling / leading according to His will? Definitely NOT.

Maybe the biggest reason we need to be vulnerable (to God and spouse) is so we can be filled with His desire - to love and be loved / to know and be known. Deep loving desire for our spouses, as well as deep, intimate knowledge of them which gets reciprocated only comes from God. Apart from God, we all naturally fill our desires / hearts with non-God things, ie. idols. How do we get pure, genuine desire for Him and others? By being vulnerable. Remember, grace is given to the humble. Grace is God’s favor. God favors intimacy and vulnerability. He favors them because they grow the kind of love that He originally wanted people to have in their marriages.

If we’re going to grow our expressions of loving beauty and intimacy, we need to single out one desire and that desire needs to be the same as God’s. Vulnerability is the way. By God’s grace, we must faithfully choose to open our hearts to Him and our spouse. Our marriages depend on it. Our children need it. We need it. “Love your neighbors as you love yourself.” Being vulnerable and being filled with desire for love are some of the most important ways we love ourselves and each other.

Most of us find our professions relatively easy when compared to the work required for personal relational growth. Coaching can be a great resource to help you move forward and discover greater balance between the work place and home. Message me to try it out!

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