Whether it's your home, church, or work place...

If you have some degree of autonomy, you're overseeing something whether it's a family, cubicle, a team, a department, or a company, your number 1 job is to foster organizational health.

According to Patrick Lencioni, organizational health is The Advantage we need for real success. I believe his principles for business have parallels across all areas of life.

As an individual, your personal organizing principle determines how you manage the various areas of your life  (spiritual, financial, emotional, physical, relationships, your character, your physical environment, etc).

If you're a parent, regardless whether your children are babies or adults, your top priority should be making  your home a place that  matures character and decision making abilities, especially in the greater areas of relationships and personal life management. If not, don't be surprised when you're loved ones end up on a path to unhealthy self-neglect and your relationships decline.

Whatever level of management you may be in at work, if your organizational health is not well, systemic issues will increasingly diminish your effectiveness, vitality, and outcomes.

How do you know if your organization is healthy?

• Minimal politics (lack of power struggles, resentments, passive aggressiveness)
• Minimal confusion (values can be seen and articulated by all)
• High levels of morale and productivity (people love being there and get a lot done)
• Low turnover (good people don't leave)

All those in charge would agree that their organizations/families need those qualities but whether they actually exist and get substantial, consistent time, attention, and resources is another story.

This kind of health must rise above all other priorities.

Why?

Systemic dysfunction.

It's the number one hindrance to lasting success and thriving for all. Moreover, it sucks the soul out of people and is a major cause for compromise, corruption, collusion, and internal collapse.

How does an organization (family, church, company, etc) become healthy?

It's increasing the clarity of values through your behavior, attitudes, and what you consistently prioritize. It's what gets  communicated and reminded the most. But it doesn't stop there, it also gets reinforced. Structures for accountability get created. How, how often and where you do this determine the effectiveness of your team's development,  collaboration and long term success.

For a family, what gets clarified in this way determines the wellness and direction of its members and their relationships. Too often, there are disconnects between spouses, parents and children because we lack clarity on what matters most. We all love our family members but many families experience heart breaking outcomes because of mixed, confusing messages. The outcomes affirm the effectiveness of what was or wasn't clarified. 

Rather than clarity and intentionality, systemic dysfunction ignores the critical elements for effectively prioritizing what matters most. This occurs when we do not have awareness of unexamined defaults. We are so focused on others' expectations, and we're driven by unaddressed insecurity and anxiety caused by limiting beliefs and outdated rules. We don't give attention to these underlying conditions because we presume that's just the way things are or we simply fixate on productivity.

In order to effectively deal with defaults, we need to think and talk through fundamentals like the following:

• Meaningful and relevant context for why what we do matters
• Healthy values that are inviolable because they truly help all thrive
• Knowing what business we’re in, especially when it comes to family
• Making intentional decisions that distinguish us and help us succeed
• Being aware of our season in life; knowing what is most important in the next 3-12 months
• Who must do what to succeed, especially top level leaders

When these are not clarified with substantial depth, defaults like the following (shaped by family of origin and culture) take the lead:

• I don't have enough time, money, and resources.
• I'm not good enough to deserve better.
• I'm not enough; I will always be catching up.
• Money must be central because that's how the world works.
• Talking never helps.
• I should be farther along.
• It's too late to change.
• I have too many responsibilities. Got to keep all the plates spinning.
• I can't subtract anything. Everything I'm doing is important.
• Busyness is a badge of honor.
• I'm nothing if I'm not being productive.
• I don't know who I am and it doesn't matter anyway.
• It's too difficult and it'll take too long to change and it won't be worth it anyway.
• Work is the main thing that defines me and gives me worth.

When they take the lead, our organizations unknowingly perpetuate unhealthy beliefs, values and behaviors. Much needed real change in real time doesn't happen and those we lead, care for and serve do not experience the success and fulfillment they desire or deserve. And these sacrifices are made for the 'good' of the organization. But Jesus said, "What does it profit to gain the world but lose your soul?" Unhealthy organizations continually  propagate instinctual beliefs  that oppose Jesus' priority of the soul.

Unhealthy defaults must be addressed if parents want to cultivate  growth by centering the family around healthy ways of communication, stemming from healthy emotions. This promotes balance of challenge and support to liberate each member to achieve their potential.

Failure to pursue organizational health prevents us from envisioning and experiencing greater long term success. We get confused with trying to get others to fulfill our hidden ego-centric desires. We look for commitment and loyalty to our cause rather than looking to bring liberty and revolutionary love into the world.

Here are a bunch of ingredients that contribute to clarity and organizational health:
Courage and compassion to manage and lead one's own interior life, soulful connections, real heart felt trust, vulnerability/humanness, love, humility, honesty and affinity for truthful dealing of brutal facts, goodness/benevolence, whole heartedness, patience and kindness, mindset of sufficiency rather than scarcity, heart and soul as more important than anything else, self care and keeping of  one's soul healthy and thriving.

Are you living and leading towards greater organizational health and effectively addressing systemic problems at home and work? This is the mission of Family Connections Coaching! Let's create new, healthier systems within ourselves, our families, and our organizations.

We're at the dawn of the Conceptual Age.

After listening to Daniel Pink's A Whole New Mind: Why Right Brainers Will Rule the World,

...here are my take aways:

We've come from the Industrial and Information Ages, where manual labor then left brain thinking dominated. We've gone from factory workers and tradesman to doctors, lawyers, engineers, and CEO's. And society has rewarded those positions well. 

But to evolve and become a world where more people win and thrive, we will need more creators, artists, empathizers, meaning makers.

Why?
 

The paradox of modern day prosperity: although standards of living have increased substantially, happiness, fulfillment, and thriving in personal relationships and family have not budged. There is still a craving for transcendent fulfillment and meaning.

In order to move into this arena, we must move from the text to the context, from analysis to synthesis. This will require much more right brain work.

In the past success has been defined by left brain activity. But in the future this will not be enough. 

Today, spiritual and intangible inequity is the greatest injustice. People have plenty to live on but nothing to live for; they have the means but lack meaning.

According to Pink, the transition from material want to immaterial want is happening at an unprecedented rate. To thrive in the Conceptual Age, we need to start taking spirituality and happiness seriously.

Spirituality is being understood by professionals as searching for meaning and purpose. Effective leaders are finding this is what helps their organizations and companies reach their most important goals. Deep life experience is the next wave of business evolution. 

The good life is no longer good enough. In our societies of material abundance, a calling is the most satisfying work. It's pursuing meaning by using our strengths to better the world. It's moving meaning to the center of our lives. 

Furthermore, the abundance of material wealth and choices, the outsourcing of white collar jobs to Asia, and the power of automation will increase the need for more and more of us to live and work with a whole, new mind. Because in the conceptual age, putting together tons of data, interpreting it to derive relevance and meaning, imagining where to go with it, and implementing the steps to get there will require non-linear, holistic, narrative focused actions—all which are done by the right side of the brain.

Grab a copy of Pink's book and learn about the 6 senses that will strengthen your right brain: design, story, symphony (synthesis), empathy, play, and meaning. 

Then book some time with me to discuss the personal growth and development you want to commit to that will take your leadership and management to the next level.

Easter is Owning What Matters Most and Building Something New

Happy belated Easter!
 

In this issue, I'd like to share some insights from my meditations about Jesus' death and resurrection.

In the Old Testament, there were many shadows of Jesus, i.e. the tabernacle and its furnishings, the priesthood and its practices. Even the many regular festivals spoke of the work of Jesus, i.e. the Passover and the Year of Jubilee.  

According to New Testament writers, Jesus was the fulfillment of the law, by His own declarations as well as their understanding of Jesus. Here are some passages stating this:

In the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus said, “Do not think that I have come to abolish the Law or the Prophets; I have not come to abolish them but to fulfill them. For truly, I say to you, until heaven and earth pass away, not an iota, not a dot, will pass from the Law until all is accomplished.” Matthew 5:17-18

The blood sacrifices ceased because Christ fulfilled all that they were pointing toward. He was the final, unrepeatable sacrifice for sins. Hebrews 9:12

So what exactly happened on the cross? God took His law (embodied by Jesus) and died to it. Meaning, He turned away from it because it was ineffective in producing the righteousness He desired. 

What is the righteousness He desired? Resurrection.

Coming back from the dead is not of this world. Before Jesus, no one had ever heard of someone coming back from the dead. It's not natural. It just doesn't happen. Everybody and everything dies. But living outside the norm is exactly what resurrection is about. It's being powered by the supernatural in an unstoppable way: the way of the cross, vulnerable, faith-filled, loving.

Resurrection is what happens when we receive God's freely given, indescribable Gift. When we become centered by true love, fear loses its grip on us and we can die to our old rules and expectations. We can live empowered by His Spirit of grace and truth, having an unstoppable belief and confidence yet have the discipline to face the most brutal facts. It is engaging the most difficult with unceasing hope and uncanny wisdom.

Jesus embodying the law, being crucified, and resurrecting is God owning the source of our systemic failures and building something new that redeems and restores us to become liberated lovers of life.

Essentially, the death and resurrection of Jesus was "the best ending that was actually the truest beginning".

Huh? I got that quote from the K-Drama, "Revolutionary Love"  lol. 

God modeled the way of transformation, i.e. letting go of old rules and expectations in order to create openness and opportunity for long term, benevolent connections: genuine friendships, fulfilling marriages as well as liberating leadership and effective partnerships. Freely chosen love based on a vulnerable heart of belief, like a child's. This is the pathway to creating a world where everyone wins.

"Transformation does not negate what has gone before; rather, it fulfills it. Creating the context of a world that works for everyone is not just another step forward in human history; it is the context out of which our history will begin to make sense." Werner Erhard.

Easter is the quintessential event that God desires all of us to experience.


My own Easter journey: 

For 25+ years, I had been serving in faith communities to help people grow spiritually. I was passionate about God, the Bible, and incarnation (Jesus).

But as I developed my faith and practice, the organizations I was a part of did not share my direction for ministry. I became disappointed, dissatisfied, and disillusioned. I found myself frustrated with systemic challenges, which I wasn't positioned or equipped to change. What to do?

I decided to step out and build my own business to give more attention to my vision for healthy leadership in homes. 

Looking back, I see the desire and inspiration came out of God  encouraging me to fully own my internal struggles. I complained  and grumbled about my circumstances. I felt sorry for myself. I was resentful, bitter. But I dove deeper into understanding my hurts and dysfunctions. I followed a slowly emerging hunch that there was much to glean. 

In 2010, a friend invited me to a discovery session about life coaching. Immediately I saw it's power and application. I jumped into a training program and since then, I've had coaches help me consistently move forward. And of course I've used it to support others in personal and professional growth to become more effective at home and work. 

Making the Easter move redeemed the value of my seemingly negative experiences. By owning my own issues more fully, I'm in the process of creating something new, even becoming someone new.

If you'd like to own and build to a greater degree your life, your family, your organization, take these next steps:

• Book 2 hours of complimentary coaching.
• Email me your goals and current situation.

We will spend our time with questions and action design to move towards your goals. No expectations or obligations attached. Just 2 hours of getting clear and moving forward with what matters most to you.

Or pick up a copy of my book, Growth Centered Family, where I go in depth about owning what matters most to cultivate a home or organization that effectively supports the growth of every member. Message me your thoughts as you go through it and let's get a conversation going.

Cheers!

Mom2Mom: Your Life as a Mother with Disabilities

In this issue, I have the pleasure of hosting guest blogger, Ashley Taylor of DisabledParents.org! She's shared some great ideas with us. You can find more helpful information and resources on her site. Enjoy!

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Clear the Clutter

Clutter is something that just happens. It happens over time, and when it comes to clutter in our own homes, we learn to turn a blind eye. But when you have a baby on the way, it has to go. This is especially important if you have a disability that affects your ability to safely maneuver obstacles such as throw rugs, cords, or low-lying furniture. Spatial and visual impairments that inhibit your peripheral vision are also factors that should trigger a mass decluttering of your home before having a baby. Your attention will soon be focused on your child, and you may not be as acutely aware of your surroundings, making clutter a tripping hazard.

Brighten Things Up

Good lighting, according to the International Association of Lighting Designers, enhances the desirability and mood of any space. But more importantly, having a well-lit home will help you keep an eye on your child as he/she grows from bundled baby to teetering toddler.

Invest in Adaptable Gear

A quick trip down the baby aisle of any department store will reveal a virtually never-ending array of baby gear designed with the intention of easing the burden of parenting. And while many of them are little more than marketing hype, there are adaptable products that can make your life as a parent a little less taxing. HomeAdvisor notes chairlifts, soft-structured baby carriers, and velcro baby gear offer benefits if you have spinal injuries or limited hand mobility. A modified baby stroller is also worth looking into.

Baby-proofing Before Baby

The act of baby-proofing is not limited to parents with disabilities. We all have to take preemptive measures to ensure our children’s safety. Parents offers links to dozens of different baby-proofing ideas. Regardless of which route you choose to go, get it done well before the baby arrives. This will give you the opportunity to adjust to the small changes prior to dropping a helpless human being into the mix.

Hello Home Improvements

There are a number of minor home improvements that can drastically enhance your hands-on childcare skills as well as the safety of yourself and your child. Grab bars in the bathtub, for instance, can help you get up and down while assisting young children at bath time. Lowering your kitchen counters may help you more effectively prepare meals. Replacing entry stairs with a ramp will help you transport your child in and out of the home without fear of tripping while lifting your feet over an obstacle.

Other Ideas

• Label children’s food/breast milk with braille labels

• Install a whole-home intercom (Google Home now has this capability) so you can quickly interact with your partner no matter what room you are in

• Set baby monitor volume to max while you sleep

• Widen doorways to improve maneuverability if you are in a wheelchair

Your preparations will be unique to your situation. However, it never hurts to eliminate hazards around the home and to get yourself acclimated to changes before your family of two becomes a family of three – or more. If you are looking for more ways to prepare, your greatest resource is the parents who have “been there and done that.” You can find local special needs family groups onMeetUp.com or via your community Facebook page.

Image via Pixabay

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Want to explore how you want to prepare for your family's future? Book a consultation and get a free 30 minute coaching session to get things rolling. No obligations whatsoever; purely focused on your desired future and actions to get there.

Effective Parent = Effective Executive (at home)

Time doesn't stand still and things change. People change. To thrive and succeed, you and your family members will need to lead and manage effectively.

"The most common cause of executive failure is inability or unwillingness to change with the demands of a new position." 

Drucker, Peter F. 

How true this is in parenting! We become the most important persons in the world for another human being (for a limited time), often without clarity about the demands of the ever-evolving role.

Sure we can figure out sleep patterns, feedings, diapers and cleaning up poop. But once we master that, the little ones become mobile and probably verbal. They start testing our instructions and decisions. They're extremely adept at letting us know they're upset. If we have not become proficient in regulating our emotions, we're going to have a rough time comforting our kids.

Are we able and willing to change with the dynamic demands of being a parent?

As our children develop autonomy and initiative, we want to wisely provide boundaries for their safety but also opportunities to foster their ever growing capacities and abilities. Again, if we have not fortified our management of our interior, it's likely we will become unbalanced, either too controlling or too lenient.

When the time comes for K-12th grade academic learning and extracurricular experiences, our children are developing competencies and character for future success. With the abundance of offerings, we find no shortage of activities and programs to fill our schedules. By this time, if we still have not addressed our need for integration and emotional health, our schedules are busting at the seams and our souls are dying. We're exhausted and unprepared for the most challenging season of our children's lives—adolescence. 

The transition from child to adult is never easy for anyone: parents, teachers, coaches, siblings, as well as the one going through it. It's a time of letting go of the old and discovering one's true self. This is absolutely essential if one is to integrate head and heart to effectively collaborate with others to create and contribute to a desired future. 

If we haven't successfully individuated, we're still living encumbered with others' beliefs and values (most likely cultural and family or origin). And this is fine if we've had the freedom to evaluate them and decide we want to keep them. This transformation frees us to design a life that is relevant, successful, and fulfilling. Along this path, we are able to grow healthy, intimate relationships. And as we develop our capacity and ability to live and work closely with another, we become people who make a difference, positively impacting how things are done and made. 

To be an effective executive requires tracking where our time goes and giving time to activities that take advantage of opportunities. This keeps our focus on creation and innovation that will prove most helpful as our loved ones get older. This can  also be the best way to solve problems. Because often times, directly reacting only addresses symptoms rather than root, systemic issues. 

Let's say your child is chronically grumpy and disrespectful. Simply reprimanding them is a waste of time and causes further distancing. Not helpful. What may be needed is creation of time and space for play, rest, and family. Rather than trying to change our children's attitudes, we need to rework how we are connecting and recharging. This shifts our attention to potential rather than what we find upsetting.

Becoming a parent is taking on the role of an executive. To be effective, we must understand that it begins with how we lead and manage ourselves. Our children are substantially impacted by the environment and rhythms we create.

The culture we create reflects our inner life. If it's one of peace and joy, so will be our home, regardless of size. But if we're anxious and reactive, our kids will be adversely affected. They will naturally, unconsciously  try to accommodate and adapt. 

It's not that we need to make everything perfect for our family. Rather we want to help them  be ready to weather storms and prepared for opportunities. But we shouldn't be the source of uncertainty. We don't want to be the ones who stumble them in their development.

In our kids' formative years, we are the source of trust and security that empowers them to explore their expanding world. Without our effective leadership, they will struggle with mistrust, shame, doubt, guilt, and inferiority. If we don't make changes by the time they become adolescents, their challenge evolves into role confusion and isolation.

I'm not saying we are absolutely determinative but our influence cannot  be underestimated. We must see the need to take our leadership at home to the next level so our love effectively benefits our family members for long term happiness and fulfillment.  

Elevate your effectiveness as an executive at home by prioritizing awareness of your interior and create experiences that impact your fundamental organizing principles.

Next steps:

Email me (familyconnectionscoach@gmail.com) to start a dialogue about life changing experiences.

Pick up a copy of my book, Growth- Centered Family for more in-depth content on this.

Book a free 30 minute coaching session!

Are you a single parent?

Here are great tips from a guest blogger! In this issue, I have the pleasure of featuring Daniel Sherwin, a single dad to a daughter (9) and son (6)! Check out his site, dadsolo.com. He's got great advice for single parenting.

Tips for Being a Great Single Parent

by Daniel Sherwin

Parenthood is one of life’s greatest challenges and most rewarding experiences. There are days when you feel run-down and tired, but there are other days when you cannot believe how blessed you are. 

When you are a single parent, both feelings can be magnified. Between handling your relationship with your ex and trying to care for yourself and your children, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed and lost. Here are some helpful tips on how to be a great single parent.  

Image Source: Pixabay
 

How to Get Along With Your Ex

Unless the other parent is completely absent, you’ll have to work with your ex to care for your child. While that may sound daunting, there are ways you can make it work. 

First, GoodTherapy.org recommends that you reduce your expectations and let go of control. There’s a good chance you and your ex will have a difference of opinion on how to raise your child. Don’t hold your ex to lofty expectations. Give up trying to have control over how he or she thinks and acts, even if you think your ex is acting against your child’s best interests. Not only will this make you happier, it can help your child feel less anxiety and stress about why you’re a single parent. 

The Spruce offers an unusual but effective way to communicate with your ex: Stop defendingyourself. This does not mean you agree with everything your ex says or does. You simply do not engage in a fight. Stay focused on the communication that’s necessary for your child and refuse to get into the usual arguments. If you stop defending yourself and just move on, you show that arguments don’t work. That’s something that can also benefit your children because they may blame themselves when parents fight. 
 

Keeping Organized

Even if you have a healthy relationship with your ex, you need to keep your life organized. It’s easy to feel overwhelmed by the responsibilities of being a single parent, and there’s only so much your ex can do to help. 

If you feel like your house is disorganized and messy all the time, then it’s probably time to declutter. Having fewer things, especially possessions that you never use, can help your home feel and look better. Redfin recommends that you split everything into three piles: “Keep,” “Trash,” and “Donate.” Then follow through with that plan! Don’t create any “Maybe” piles, or you’ll never declutter your home. 

For the belongings that you keep, find a place for everything. Drawers, fabric cube organizers, and shelves can help you keep your home organized. If needed, try discretely labeling drawers and cabinets so you know where everything is. This way, you’ll never be wasting time looking for scissors or a sewing kit when your child needs a little help. 

To organize your life, remember that a calendar is very helpful. Add all your appointments, obligations, and reminders so you can keep track of your busy schedule. A digital calendar is great, but be sure to share it with people in your children’s life. When your children get old enough, share it with them as well. 
 

Self-Care Is Important

Being a capable single parent doesn’t mean focusing exclusively on your child. Remember that you are a role model, so if you don’t take time for some self-care, your child can grow up thinking that’s unimportant. 

Finding time for self-care is tough as a single parent, so set clear boundaries. Don’t let your child constantly interfere when you’re showering, exercising, or reading a good book. Use a timer if necessary so your child knows when it’s okay to interrupt you. And never forget about hiring a babysitter! Sometimes, a night out with your friends can really help you. 

Enjoy Being a Single Parent

Although it can get stressful, you can still be the best parent possible for your kids. Don’t engage in fights with your ex, keep organized, and make time for yourself when you can. This way, it’ll be easier to enjoy the many rewards of being a parent. 

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Wow, Daniel has hit all the essentials: your relational environment, your physical environment, and your internal environment.

Are you ready to take your management of each and every one to the next level? Book us time to chat. Let's talk about your dreams, desires, and challenges. You determine what you want to take away and we'll make that our objective for the conversation. No further obligations. 

Get clear and move forward with what matters most!

Are you living the genius of this 'and'?

Unwavering confidence AND discipline to face brutal facts

Last issue, I shared about being optimistic. Yet, there's plenty to be pessimistic about. Enter the Stockdale Paradox, a great example of the genius of the "and".

Be radically optimistic AND brutally honest. Why?

Builders of success that lasts exemplify the Stockdale Paradox.

Meet Admiral James Stockdale:

• Highest-ranking United States military officer in the “Hanoi Hilton” prisoner-of-war camp in Vietnam from 1965-1973. He was among the few who believed rescue would come but never despaired when it was much slower than he hoped.
• Tortured over 20 times during his eight-year imprisonment
• Lived out the war without any prisoner’s rights, no set release date, and no certainty as to whether he would even survive to see his family again.
• "Despite the pain and torment inflicted upon him, he led a resistance movement among the prisoners, crafting a covert string of communications that reached the CIA." 
• He saw this as the defining event of his life and in retrospect, would not have wished it to be any different.

When we encounter significant, substantial problems, we are perplexed with long standing opposition and arduous challenges. In these situations, solutions come through unwavering faith that we can and will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties, and at the same time have the discipline to confront the most brutal facts of our current reality, whatever they might be.

Think it's impossible? 

Well, we need a foundation undergirding unwavering confidence.

We need to develop a practice in dealing with the most brutal facts of our problems and challenges.

Both of these elements require definition of our identity and purpose. This means putting in the hard work of developing leadership and management of our soul. What is this labor I'm talking about?

Stockdale learned from the Stoic philosopher Epictetus that his main business was to maintain control over his moral purpose; he went so far as to say, "My moral purpose is who I am."

What is this moral purpose?

It is the choice before choices. It precedes every day decisions and governs them, mostly without conscious thought.

It is that which governs our body, mind and will.

It is our soul, and its organizing principle. 
 

If our soul is well, it's organizing principle will align BELIEFS AND DISCIPLINE to integrate positive meaning, thoughts and actions.

The soul is the integrator and generator of the "and". It is the radical source of lasting success.

Our soul thrives and works the way it should when we die to cravings and behaviors driven by fear and insecurity. Thus courage and confidence find their source in having enough, being enough, doing enough.

On the other hand, our soul's fatigue and ineffectiveness are evidenced by: 

• being bothered more than we ought to by annoyances
• less resistance to cravings of the body; favoring  short-term fixes and pleasures 
• inability to make decisions, especially ones that positively define you in difficult circumstances; less courage to tackle priorities that matter most 

If these chronically plague us, our soul is fatigued, restless, lost. We're fragmented, dis-integrated. 

When our soul is not well, we find identity in external things; it's easier. But doing so, we are not giving attention to the business of maintaining our moral purpose. We lack a choice that healthily governs other choices.

Without a life giving organization, we become impatient. Always in a hurry, our soul cannot find a home, a place of deep belonging. What we build, even if successful, will not last.


DISCIPLINE TO FACE BRUTAL FACTS

Too often, we do not effectively care for our will, mind and body. As a result, our souls dwindle away. Reversing this begins with eliminating beliefs [of scarcity] that cause us to neglect wellness at this level. 

• There's never enough.
• More is always better.
• And this is just the way it is.

When I operate with these lines of code, I am going to rush. Then, being hurried disables me from being fully present with God, myself and others. I cannot appreciate and enjoy simply being.

We need to slow down. As Dallas Willard put it, "Ruthlessly eliminate hurry."

Slowing down enables me to observe beauty and experience  peace that become evident when I believe the truths of sufficiency:

• There's always enough.
• Less can be better and more.
• Things can change; I can get better.

The significance of being enough over doing enough is a gift from God. Whole hearted acceptance liberates me from the need to hurry.

Choosing to view our circumstances and even ourselves with  sufficiency transforms our other choices. We can choose to be radically optimistic and brutally honest. We do not have to be oppressed with the choice of one over the other.

We are free to express value rather than attempt to be judges who determine value, especially of other people and their lives.

If we take sufficiency's perspective to heart, we will change our actions. We will commit and persevere through the discomfort and pain of going against the grain of scarcity.

Over time, unwavering faith and the practice of facing stark realities reshape us. We become builders of success that lasts. 

What will your 2018 look like with a vision that is radically optimistic, implemented with brutal honesty, organized by the belief that there is enough, and you are enough?

What's your outlook for 2018?

Your perception is the reality you work with.

As we begin a new year, how's your hope? How optimistic are you that you'll get better, life will improve, that the world is getting better?

Is the world getting better?

Well, check out what some people are saying (taken from Time, January 15, 2018 issue):

• "Thirty years ago, 1 in 5 children in Ethiopia didn't live to their fifth birthdays...Ethiopia wrestled down its morality rates for children under five by two-thirds from 1990 to 2012—an impressive feat for a low-income nation." Bill Gates
• "In 1776, America set off to unleash human potential by combining market economics, the rule of law and equality of opportunity. This foundation  was an act of genius that in only 241 years converted our original villages and prairies into $96 trillion of wealth." Warren Buffet
• "We've seen the devastation in the world. But we've also seen the giving. There is an opportunity for everyone to create change. In this world of technology, we have the opportunity to engage with activists on the ground level." Trevor Noah, host of the Daily Show
• "In 1990, the city (New Delhi) saw 3000 new paralytic cases of polio; since January 2011, India has seen zero new cases, but for the victims, polio is forever. Doctors like (mathew) Varghese are assisting with therapy, surgery and more...'I am able to do this little bit,' Varghese says, praising his staff. 'But there is so much potential out there that is not tapped.' " Nate Hopper
• "The need for a treatment (Alzheimer's disease) is dire, and in the search for new medicines the rates of success are not high...But it is misleading. When we consider each 'failed' study, we can often uncover answers to the question, Why didn't this work? And those answers have propelled our understanding of Alzheimer's disease forward—bringing us closer to finding a treatment...One of the greatest advances...is the ability to use a positron-emission tomography (PET) scan to confirm if a person has amyloid plaque or tau tangles in their brain before they begin a clinical study...I believe we can deliver a treatment to the millions of Alzheimer's disease patients and their families who are waiting. And my optimism is rooted in the science, which continues to evolve and advance right before our eyes." Budd Haeberlein, VP of clinical development at Biogen

"I think it's pointless to be hopeless. If you are hopeless, you waste your present and your future." Malala Yousafzai, founder of the Malala Fund and author of Malala's Magic Pencil
 
Time magazine presented these individuals as optimists. How optimistic or pessimistic are you?

If our information diet consists of a lot of news, it's likely we're pretty pessimistic. Yes, there's plenty to be concerned about but so much of it is not actionable on our parts and much of the good across many fields goes unreported.

"If you don't read the newspaper, you're uninformed. If you do read it, you're misinformed," Denzel Washington

Moreover, if we don't get balanced servings of positive progress and their beautiful benefits, we're missing out on a significant side of reality, especially in areas where we can effectively contribute time, energy, and resources.

This is even more important when it comes to our personal growth, fulfillment, and health. If our perceptions, much of it based on default beliefs, consistently major on the negatives, disproportionately to the things we could be grateful for, we are not effectively engaging ourselves and others to get better. 

Pessimism fosters fear.
Optimism is powered by love, even against all odds.

Even if the world wasn't getting better, it is essential we are getting better. Message me to talk more about getting better in 2018 and beyond.

Are you building success that lasts?

It'll depend on aligning what matters most to you with your thoughts and actions. 

Alignment: Essential for lasting success

Whether it's wheels and tires, school curriculum, personal health, or organizational elements, without alignment, performance, outcomes, and longevity suffer. Most importantly, within our families, we lose affection, connection, and hope.

When anything continually operates without alignment, the wear and tear will take its toll. But with it, things work the way they're supposed to and we can get amazing results.

 And when our soul, body, mind, and will align, watch out; success built to last!

How does does this happen?

Builders of enduring success passionately embrace meaning, thoughts, and actions. They go deep into what matters most, growing knowledge, understanding, and expertise. They allocate time for passions so work doesn't organize life but rather work is organized by life. Builders develop discipline and practices to align all parts of themselves.

Giving alignment highest priority is not a luxury. Rather it is a required commitment to consistently engage to achieve meaningful, long term dreams and visions.

It's about being an agent of generational change. This long-term thinking will require a transformed mind and heart. Being freed from socially conforming pressures is foundational for success built to last beyond ourselves.

And transformation begins with identifying deep painful areas of our life and entering it to understand and manage it effectively and maturely. Doing so frees our heart and passions to be and do what we were made for. But too commonly, we either run away from relational difficulty or we blow it up.

Avoiding or annihilating contention robs us of opportunity to unlock the best ideas and pathways to greater joy and performance.

If we're not passionate and free to disagree, we will not be successful in the long term.

Contention doesn’t become evil unless it is ignored. It is part of a rich collaborative process to build enduring success.

Pain gives us a window into our soul to see what matters most to us. We need that pain to change us, to reshape our hearts.

Lasting success requires knowing what is inside our own skin, especially the subconscious triggers and hidden default beliefs and values that Fccoach2015!! us from healthy pain management. The universal model for lasting success is knowing what behaviors we want for ourselves and our loved ones and consistently aligning thoughts and actions we are sending to ourselves and  throughout our family. Easy to say very difficult to do. Most families never achieve high levels of this kind of alignment. 

What is healthy pain management? Having forgiveness as a central theme and practice. It is the dismissal of what caused the pain. Builders do not focus on blame but focus on what they are building. And in order to be free to build they must dismiss stumbling blocks caused by unforgiveness.

When a judge dismisses a case, it doesn’t mean a crime has not been committed. It doesn’t mean that parties experience resolution. It just means there’s no more prosecution for the crime. This is forgiveness.

Forgiveness calls out the wrong. But then lets it go of desires for punity; it does not hold onto the story and shackling expectations.

And we do this because we are bigger than what happened to us. Love is bigger than it all.

When something painful happens, the question is not who is to blame. The question is who is responsible for what? And I am responsible for building my future.

And if I'm going to build something of lasting value, I have to be willing to put up with grief and difficult emotions that come from failures and humiliations.

This is how we align ourselves. Refusing to acknowledge wounds and weaknesses is the source of tragedy. Acknowledgment and authenticity is the source of wisdom.

The highest most painful level of Innovation is recovering after somebody else’s mistakes. We don't just throw everything away but rather redeem the aftermath. This is actually modeled by God. The Biblical narrative is about the redemption of humankind through the forgiveness of God. His deep conviction from His own identity determined what He did. He wasn't governed by tradition or conventional wisdom regarding success.

Compelled by true love, He engages our failures.  With tremendous patience, He helps us go through painful failures to build lasting success.

Carl Lewis Olympian of the century said you cannot change what you do not acknowledge. So losses, pain, failure, rejection, guilt, shame, loss and trauma, low self-esteem, all need to be acknowledged so that they can be changed. 

The builders thought style is to not dismiss negative emotions, mistakes and failures but to process them and learn from them.

So here are alignment fundamentals: choose healthy pain management, choose forgiveness. In essence, it's choosing to love for better or for worse. This is the only way to develop good hearted stubbornness to achieve greatness that lasts. 

We need more great leaders.

What are you doing to fulfill that need?

Simply being a good person, having a good life, a good job, raising good kids is not going to help.

Are you moving from...

Don't settle for good.

Pursue great.

Consider impacted schools, jobs, and opportunities. The competition can be overwhelming. I'm sure you know students who've had stellar transcripts and resumes and still didn't get into the schools of their choice. The same goes for adults applying for limited, highly desirable jobs. 

There's a lot of competition, stress, frustration, disappointment, and even disillusionment when we get caught up in the conformity of limited societal opportunities. Moving from good to great not only helps us avoid the rat race but fortifies us for the uncertainty of changing markets and societal needs. Consistently improving our discipline, creativity, and productivity empowers us to see, adapt and take advantage of opportunities outside of what 'everyone' else is going after. 

Jim Collins, in his book Good to Great, (summary) has identified what he has termed the level 5 leader. In addition to the qualities of the good, they have 2 virtues that distinguish them. And if we can cultivate these elements in ourselves and others, just think what it'll do for our families, organizations and communities!

What are these 2 qualities?

HUMILITY AND WILL.

It's operating with a purity of bigger-than-self purpose and fierce resolve to achieve that purpose. It's aligning and committing to a cause that treasures individuals yet scalable to bring benefit to many others. This level of presence and performance doesn't come naturally. It's not a microwave process. It's a process that embraces patience, perseverance, and pain to mortify insecurity and raise up true love.

Meekness (not weakness) and resolve working together, create disciplines to make consistent effort to move from good to great. The key discipline is staying true to what Jim Collins calls the Hedgehog concept, i.e. the intersection of what one can be the best at, is passionate about, and drives their economic engine.
 

How might we translate this into parenting? 

• What can we be the best at? Connecting with our kids' hearts (just being mom and dad make us the best candidate by default)
• What are we passionate about? Our kids thriving!
• Spend time, energy and resources to develop ourselves mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually. (we are the engine: self improvement increases our capacities and abilities to do the first 2.) 

What will be the intersection of these 3? Centering on growth. Prioritizing and organizing ourselves to abide in this intersection fosters humility and will.

Why?

Because effectively engaging our hearts and that of others requires consistent choices with sober awareness, vulnerability, and courageous resolve. All the essential elements of humility. When we grow in these dynamics, we are living soulfully to perpetually think and act as people who care deeply about what matters most—people's hearts and souls.

So what will the intersection look like for you? Connecting with your kids' hearts. Cultivating emotionally healthy spirituality. Personal development. This means knowing yourself and your children, and slowing down enough to see opportunities and be intentional with them.

Good companies became great when they were disciplined to stay in the Hedgehog zone over years. We as parents can go from good to great when our commitment and discipline transform the direction and destiny of our family.