For 2023, Balance Pain and Pleasure

As 2022 comes to an end and 2023 is about to begin, how is your pain and pleasure balance?

As nations develop and societies continue to evolve, this balance [for all people] will become more and more critical. And because we all vary in so many ways, personality, body composition, mental health, economic status, and even spirituality, this balance is unique for each of us.

But in the midst of this complexity, there is one common need that is universal: giving attention to the life we’ve received and immersing ourselves into the process of radical, holistic change.

When the Bible is understood accurately, this is its message. When viewed with a deeper, more expansive perspective, the Biblical narrative (Old and New Testament) reveals the power of the universe moving people away from absolutist, extractive empires towards pluralistic, inclusive governing which raises the quality of life for more and more people. There are many things wrong with the world but not as much as there were in the past when nations were ruled by small groups of elites with little to no accountability. This polarity with each of its outcomes exists at every institutional level: families, organizations, societies, and nations.

Improvements in quality of life has come through technological innovations which were made possible through transformations of political and economic institutions. When life gets better, whether for an individual or a group, it’s because whoever or whatever was in charge made space for it to happen through incentives, protected rights, resources, and most importantly liberty. All protected by a universal rule of law and not the whim and discretions of those in charge.

This kind of cultivation doesn’t happen by chance. It happens when people immerse themselves into the life they’ve been given, giving attention to the realities of their condition (inside and out), choose life (ie. love and not fear) and experience the wholeness of humility and wisdom.

In the person of Jesus the Christ, God immersed Himself into the human experience. In this immersion, He turned His attention to the most fundamental needs for life, love and freedom: healing and deliverance. In the Gospel record (Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John), we see Jesus sharing and exchanging intimate thoughts and feelings about significant essentials with His disciples and others. This was communion.

His death and resurrection pointed to the power of grief integration that results in renewal. He instructed His followers to abide in this process through communion; not simply observing a ritual but regular daily practice of interior growth.

As the world becomes a place of greater wealth and freedom, there is the danger of overindulgence and covert addictions that continue to enslave rich and poor alike. If we want to thrive in our age of indulgence, we need power to balance pain and pleasure.

Anna Lembke (Professor of Psychiatry at Stanford University School of Medicine and chief of the Stanford Addiction Medicine Dual Diagnosis Clinic) shares 10 lessons about this balance.

1. Relentless pursuit of pleasure and pain avoidance results in more pain.

2. Recovery begins with abstinence.

3. Abstinence resets the brain pathway towards pleasure. It creates space for finding pleasures in simpler things.

4. Self binding creates cognitive and physical space between desire and consumption; a modern necessity in the age of indulgence and hyper consumption.

5. Medication can help reset homeostasis but keep in mind what is lost through medicating our pain: understanding and reconciliation of it.

6. Pressing on the pain side, resets our balance to the side for pleasure.

7. Be aware of getting addicted to pain; sadism/ masochism is not healthy.

8. Radical honesty, fosters awareness, intimacy, and plenty mindset.

9. Pro social shame affirms our belonging to the human tribe.

10. Instead of running from the world, we can find salvation by immersing ourselves into it.

Dr. Lembke’s insights about dealing with pain and pleasure contribute to grief integration and renewal; she articulates the problem, provides essentials to reset our balance and sheds light on the path to healthier mindset, relationships, and fundamental life philosophy.

We all have propensities toward addiction. And under chronic, intense stress, we become addicted through naive ways of dealing with pain through numbing, distracting activities. If our addiction isn’t some substance, it may be work or some activity that keeps our attention away from the pains of life we’ve been given, preventing us from reconciling its truth to cultivate integration. Being naive inhibits deeper understanding into reality, keeping us in the shallow end and thus becoming more and more irrelevant to the dynamics of life, and we end up with more morbidities, relational dysfunction, and a fear based life ie. a house of cards.

As 2023 rolls in, evaluate your pain and pleasure balance. How does your life promote health and integration of reality/ truth (highs and lows; good, bad and ugly; darkness and light)? A healthy balance fosters wholeness: head, heart and body working harmoniously together. Imbalance results in neglect of one or more or your triune members, the most crucial being your emotional core/ inner child.

Jesus said, “Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.” (Matt.18:3) Entering this kingdom is not the afterlife. It’s experiencing life governed by liberating power like that of the sky: spacious, free, life-giving.

This is where the journey to balance begins: how your emotional core/ inner child experiences love. This is true religion that authentically reconnects us with God. Without this, our love will perpetually lack integrity and the power of wholeness. But with it, we become the salt of the earth, the light of the world because we will live with power to balance the pains and pleasures of a world filled with both.

What does longevity look like?

I started this series on longevity talking about muscle centric health. I then proceeded to talk about what it takes which focused on consuming quality protein for building of muscles. For my third post, I’m going to discuss what it looks like at various levels of the human experience.

On a personal level, positive longevity is cognitive, emotional, and physical health supporting our everyday activities and most important relationships well into our 50’s and beyond. We can do daily tasks with ease and are also able to tackle challenges effectively. Personal growth enriches, strengthens and deepens our connection with loved ones.

At a family level, it’s growing in a healthy union and raising children who successfully individuate to lead their own lives, raise their own families and are able to perpetuate health and wholeness into future generations.

For organizations, it’s healthy, diverse leadership dynamically planning, executing, and managing operations to benefit stakeholders and the people they impact. And more importantly, able to effectively and positively implement succession that reflects wisdom for ongoing improvement and meaningful benefits for the company and its stakeholders.

But what about on larger scales ie. a nation?

According to Daron Acemoglu and James Robinson in their book Why Nations Fail, positive longevity depends on how societal elites structure and maintain political and economic institutions which determine whether countries are rich or poor, healthy or sick, just or corrupt.

It boils down to how leaders wield their power.

Do they extract from the masses to benefit the few forming a vicious circle of societal impoverishment and perpetual underdevelopment, or create broader coalitions to include greater representation of diverse groups that grow and perpetuate a virtuous circle of societal development.

Throughout history, we see rulers come and go but the institutions they create either promote and perpetuate growth, prosperity and equality or become absolutist regimes that keep many people in poverty, sickness and early mortality. Of course there are various degrees of each polarity at work but those are very real patterns of human governance that have always existed and continue today.

Though there are many factors contributing to each circle (vicious and virtuous), a key point I want to highlight is the response to creative destruction. When a system seems to be running fine (because it benefits those who set it up), people with authority and power tend to dismiss, reject or even set out to destroy changes that threaten their economic and political realities. The loss of control of how much money is made and ability to enact laws to regulate how business is done has been a consistent fear of those in charge.

This is a primary reason why nations succeed or fail. Elites (top level leaders who make financial and organizational decisions) in control of institutions are culprits or champions of the long term outcomes which benefit or harm the masses. They shape realities of many people. When they are closed off to changes that disrupt their operations, especially from those who are powerless, they are creating/ perpetuating vicious circles of operations which shut down creativity to foster newness of how life can be and how things can be done.

So what does longevity look like?

Healthy use of power and authority, AT EVERY LEVEL: personal, family, organizational, and societal/ national. This brings us back to muscles, the agents of power delivery. There is an integrity here about what truly matters for longevity AT EVERY LEVEL.

HEALTHY EXERCISE OF POWER IS ABOUT…

Openness to disruptions by change.

Positive acceptance and adaptation to change.

Redemption of mistakes and failures that contribute to new ways of living, loving and doing.

Integration of paradoxical ideas, perceptions, and methods that promote radical newness with benefits for all (self included).

Everyone from elites to the poor positively contributing to the collective subconscious of the human race through COURAGEOUS ownership and healing of their own grief, being open to creative disruption/ destruction to become people who can humbly engage conflict and paradox to move all of us towards greater peace, joy and love with significant equity, diversity, and inclusion.

I guess this is my grown up Christmas list.

May your Christmas point you to the Star of Longevity found even in the story of the Nativity. Christmas brings many blessings but don’t be distracted from the central message about our need to overthrow powers that drive vicious circles. The Baby born in a manger is representative of creative destruction that births newness and revelation of evolving realities transforming ones fabricated by those with fear based power.

Christmas is ultimately about the generation of virtuous circles that heal nations through compassion, justice and freedom.

What does longevity require?

In my last issue, I talked about muscle centric health. I want to build on that with more thoughts about longevity and what it takes to increase our healthspan (ie. time of healthy living).

Let’s start with understanding what we want to make last: LIFE.

What is life? Let’s go down this rabbit hole a bit. (bolds are mine)

• The existence of an individual human being, animal or plant.

• A principle or force that is considered to underlie the distinctive quality of animate beings.

• The condition that distinguishes animals and plants from inorganic matter, including the capacity for growth, reproduction, functional activity, and continual change preceding death.

• Experiencing reality by interacting authentically with the environment and with others. Giving something back to the world through creativity and self-expression, and changing our attitude when faced with a situation or circumstance that we cannot change. (Frankl)

• That which distinguishes coherence, purpose, and significance.

• 4 main experiences that encourage meaning and purpose (Drageset, Haugan, and Tranvåg, 2017):

  • Physical and mental well-being.

  • Belonging and recognition.

  • Personally treasured activities.

  • Spiritual closeness and connectedness.

• For many, life is meaningful, satisfying work. For others, their purpose lies in their responsibilities to their family or friends. Others seek meaning through spirituality or religious beliefs. Some people may find their purpose clearly expressed in all these aspects of life.

• Having a happy and satisfying existence that fulfills our physical, emotional, and mental necessities. In the process, like on any journey, you walk, you fall, you pick yourself up, and do it again until you reach the end.

• Life has no meaning. Each of us has meaning and we bring it to life. It is a waste to be asking the question when you are the answer.” As you can probably imagine, philosophers have spent countless hours considering the concept of meaning, as well as the “meaning of meaning.”

• Love. Love is the core of our lives. It is the purpose, passion and meaning of life. To love and be loved is the point of it all. Yet love, so important and central to our lives, is a complex experience and a confusing word.

• Health. Being healthy is the single, most important part of our existence – without good health, our life diminishes and can be cut short.

As you can see, life can be quite nuanced, multifaceted and deep.

With this definition of life, what would longevity look like?

I’d say people in their 40’s to 100’s, still existing and experiencing life characterized by the qualities above.

But how many of these individuals have we come across? Much of our experience has been with people in their second half of life, struggling with physical and mental ailments, declining from year to year.

How to change the tide on this kind of aging?

Data from research on strength training and nutrition is revealing what impacts age related diseases at the roots. Metabolically and physiologically, we need to activate and feed our bodies what it needs to build tissue and get stronger.

When we’re young, we are hormone-rich and it drives much of our health. But as we age, we lose much of those hormones and our body becomes much more responsive to our lifestyle and diet. A prime example is the need to eat enough protein to stimulate muscle production and tissue repair and regeneration. Research has identified a threshold of 30-50 grams of high quality protein per meal before our body will get into tissue (muscle, bone, organs, etc) production. In addition, our bodies need to be motivated to generate/ renew muscles, produce denser bones and improve neuromuscular connections by increased loads put on fundamental movements ie. squatting, bending down/ picking up, pushing, and pulling.

With this understanding, if we desire greater healthspan, we should focus much more on building stronger muscles, bones, and neuromuscular connections. With appropriate food consumption, we function metabolically towards these goals and fortify our efforts to overcome diseases, weight gain, and significantly increase the length of time we experience good health.

What would eternal life mean?

What I don’t think it means: an afterlife based on a profession of beliefs and life is haphazardly lived, often times incongruent to that which generates and fosters overall health for self and others.

But rather, it is whenever and wherever our earthly existence is one with heavenly reality, ie. the expansive possibilities which are realized the more we discover how things that last truly are and how they function: our health, relationships, families, organizations, societies, and even our world.

Consider the line from the Lord’s Prayer (Matthew 6:10), “…your kingdom come,
your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven.” Jesus taught His disciples to desire this earth-heaven integrity. If we take this seriously, we need to understand what this kingdom is about. To do this, we should take the effort to get a comprehensive interpretation from the entire Bible as well as scientific discoveries that have revealed the nature and functioning of the universe. Because when we experience oneness (not to be confused with sameness/ conformity), spiritually, personally, relationally, and vocationally, the result is positive longevity.

Note the order of thoughts in the prayer:

• addressing the Creator of reality as Father thus implying we are His offspring and not simply posterity of micro-realities created by our family of origin and society

• desiring His integrity (on earth as it is in heaven)

• asking for sustenance and freedom that results from the power of wholeness/ oneness (heaven-earth integrity).

And the line that follows, “…give us today, our daily bread…” directs our attention to what we need to grow in that integrity. As we age and our body becomes more sensitized towards diet and less directed/ supported by hormones, what we take into our bodies, needs to support oneness of head, heart, and body. On a fundamental level, we need to give ourselves food that will become the building materials of a heatlhy future us.

With a comprehensive look at the Bible, the revelation of God begins with creator and initiator of deep change (story of Abraham leaving his country and father’s house to become father of many nations), moves to national liberator (story of Moses and Israel), then divorcee as the nation of Israel departs from their marriage covenant with God.

Note this break from what had become a national religion. Centralized control has a role in the formation of society but spirituality and life must not remain married to that governance.

In the New Testament, God shows up as a human being in the person of Jesus of Nazareth whose ministry centers on healing and preaching about a different kind of governance, a different way to operate and lead, a spiritual way that promotes life, love and renewal towards compassion and justice, a way that promises life and reality are different from our societal and family defaults. And it comes about through creative destruction of the old and the birth of what the old order could’ve never imagined.

I believe eternal life is heaven-earth integrity, ie. the oneness of God.

Let’s turn our attention back to everyday practices. What do we need for positive longevity?

Dr. Gabrielle Lyon saw first hand when she worked with geriatrics, that the primary reason for age related decline and disease had to do with being under-muscled and poor protein intake. For healthy aging, we must prioritize adequate intake of high quality protein (above protein synthesis threshold, about 30-50 grams (1-2 oz/ meal) and strength training.

The solid stuff of bones, muscles, organs, tissues, and cells are made of proteins. Carbohydrates and fats are what our bodies primarily use for fuel. Carbs first then if that runs out, fat will be turned into ketones for fuel. For physical longevity, our bodies need building materials (proteins) and fuel (carbs and fats). For longevity, we need to give greater attention to the parts that burn fuel, ie. our muscles. We must give them what they need to be healthy and strong. In turn, they will function effectively and efficiently. And this is how we manage our health at the root level: metabolically.

Engaging our lives at root levels is essential to growing in wholeness/ integrity.

Positive longevity on every level (personal, organizational, institutional, societal, global) depends on this radical authenticity.

I hope you and those you impact are on this path of longevity/ abundant life!

Muscle-Centric Health

Are you over 30? If yes, sarcopenia should be on your radar.

From the 4th decade of our lives and beyond, we can lose up to 50% of our muscle mass.

Loss of muscle doesn’t simply mean we’ll be weaker but a host of other problems will emerge:

• loss of mobility

• loss of effective processing of nutrients resulting in diabetes, obesity and other metabolic related diseases.

• increasing difficulty with normal daily activities ie. getting out of sitting positions, walking up stairs, carrying stuff, preventing falls when moving on uneven surfaces, etc.

• If you want to go deeper, check out Dr. Brendan Egan’s TEDx talk about why muscle matters.

It’s a common notion that those challenges are just part of aging. But it doesn’t have to be that way if we prioritize the health of our skeletal muscular system.

Our muscular system is the largest organ system in our bodies. It affects all other systems and their organs at primary levels. At root levels, many diseases are caused by lack of muscle. From obesity to osteoporosis to diabetes; too often, treatment is a focus on diet and adiposity (fat tissue status).

But contrary to conventional knowledge and practice, Dr. Gabrielle Lyon is a medical doctor who centers on the necessity for quality muscles and protein for longterm vitality. I’ve been watching numerous youtube videos where she’s been hosted by medical, scientific, and health professionals and gurus and it’s been very encouraging and inspirational to hear about muscle centric medicine. It makes so much more sense than focusing on fat loss and various diets. Those topics are important but should be secondary to strength training and quality protein consumption to improve our overall musculature and long term health.

Click below for an interview by Mark Hyman MD discussing muscle’s role in long term vitality.

Another person I’ve been learning from is Jonathon Sullivan MD, PhD, SSC, host of the Youtube channel Greysteel. He passionately prescribes strength training for the second half of life. Click below for Dr. Sullivan’s intro to the medicine of getting stronger to get healthier.

He’s got a great book titled The Barbell Prescription. I recommend getting a copy! Click below to watch a video that introduces the content of the book.

In addition, women have even more reason to get under the bar. Click below and watch “The Barbell Prescription is for WOMEN!”

6:12-7:46 in the video is incredibly inspiring!

So if you want to start on this journey, here are 5 primary movements that will improve WHAT ACTUALLY MATTERS (that strongly contributes to a healthy second half of life):

1. Squats (king of exercises)

2. Deadlifts (queen of exercises)

3. Pulling (pull ups, lat pull downs, rows)

4. Pushing (bench press, push ups)

5. Pressing (shoulder presses)
   

Consistently getting your body to move in these primary ways under load will affect you down to the molecular level. Lifting heavy weights (properly) will integrate you with your physical existence like nothing else. It is a life giving medicine that radically changes how your body works chemically, neurally, mechanically and even spiritually.

Are you ready to get stronger as a lifestyle that generates greater health and thriving longevity? Here’s an overview of the process:

1. Get a doctor’s OK

2. Work on stability and connective tissue conditioning.

3. Work on your core and balance.

4. Get equipment/ join a gym.

5. Commit to consistency by making it sustainable.

6. Over time, increase intensity of effort.

7. Maximize your strength

8. Enjoy the results.

Ready to pull the trigger?

Purchase a squat rack, a bench, and an olympic barbell weight set.

Secondly, create space for this equipment and your workouts.

Thirdly, start watching instructive youtube videos on squats, dead lifts, bench press, shoulder press, rows, and pull ups (assisted if you can’t do 1 rep).

Or better yet, message me to create a plan and program to not only get you started but also supported for long term, positive results towards a life time commitment to strength and wholeness.

It’s all about wholeness.

The past couple years, the concept of wholeness has increasingly come to the forefront of my values and decisions. At the beginning of 2022, I invited numerous friends to share their thoughts about wholeness and you can find them here. I’ve also received several submissions from individuals who reached out to me with ideas for parenting and work. Their articles reflect wholeness values as well and also on my blog page.

In the past year, my wife and I have been going through some changes with regards to work. I resigned from a full time position and she’s retired. We’ve been fortunate with our health and exploring new rhythms, places, and activities. We’ve enjoyed numerous trips with and without our kids (who are in their 20’s) and we’ve been playing quite a bit of tennis. Although we’ve enjoyed it all, there’ve been and continue to be challenges, mentally, emotionally, relationally and physically.

Most recently, my right heel and ankle have been giving me problems. It’s taken over 2 months to heal and I’m finally close to being back to normal. Then a few weeks ago, I came down with covid and felt crappy for a few days. Symptoms went away after a few days but still tested positive on day 10.

Though we’re doing pretty well for the most part, on occasion we have our disagreements or things happen and we get upset at each other. At times, things get pretty intense and honestly, it’s a struggle.

But difficulties are ubiquitous. Our world has been suffering on many levels. The pandemic. Racial strife. War. And all this on top of the problems that plague all people in all places: universal needs for systemic change ie. economically, politically, corporately, environmentally, and on personal levels, psychologically, physiologically, and spiritually. We have all experienced these at some points in our lives. And so have those who’ve come before us as well and so will those who come after us.

How do we understand and effectively deal with chronic, systemic problems?

I’ve come across many polarizing voices and they may have good intentions but I don’t believe their messages and actions really solve much. Yet differing opinions and perspectives are important parts to effective, long term solutions.

From what I’ve gathered, the root of our problems is a lack of wholeness. For a wide variety of reasons, our head, heart, and body aren’t working together. When one or more members are disconnected from the others, neglected or mistreated, our lives are diminished, individually and collectively. End result is being stuck or worse, regressive and dysfunctional. Rather than contributing to positive systemic solutions, we become complicit to disintegration of our souls, families, work places, even our society. Lack of wholeness is endemic to many individuals and organizations. And it makes no difference their ethnicity, socio-economic status, sexual orientation, religion, political stance, profit or non-profit, etc. etc.

It’s all about wholeness.

Wholeness must be prioritized as a fundamental part of solutions. If not, our situations and problems just become cyclical and likely on a downward spiral. If we want to end this trajectory, we must commit to our own internal integration. If we want to truly benefit those we love, our own parts must be at peace, loving each other. If not, we cannot and will not be positively contributing to the true wellness of others, especially the ones closest to us.

Head, heart and body in healthy relationships with each other. How are yours doing?

Integrating the 3 is our soul at work becoming one with God and aligning with Love. It’s what our soul was made for: integration. This is the primary source of sustainability ie. eternal life. It’s about participating in the process of redeeming disorder through the reordering framework and process of divine love.

What is divine love? Let’s start with what it’s not.

Essentially it is not based on transactional presuppositions, a common default of how we love, ie. doing things for another person to express love. The Bible says the love of money is the root of all evil (1 Timothy 6:10). I’ve come to understand this to mean a loyalty to transaction based relationships is the source of all irreconcilable chaos and confusion in this world. Money is currency for transactions. Love of money is a heart attachment to this way of operations. We must be healed from this toxic dysfunction and love through an integrated state of being.

In addition, divine love is not only affection. It definitely involves and experiences great feelings of all kinds but it is much more. If our love is only based on affection and emotions, we will not experience the deep, freeing, powerful evolution that wholeness brings which is able to effect systemic change.

Love is the state of being whole. This is love’s source and primary expression.

Wholeness is a very broad and deep concept and it may even seem esoteric. But the fundamentals have to do with being present to reality and wholly engaging it. What we commonly do not realize is the power that habitual default beliefs (ie. schemas) have in derailing us from living and loving as well as learning from present reality. When this internal paradigm goes awry and wreaks havoc in our relationships, especially to ourselves, all kinds of hostilities, abuse, pathologies and injuries occur. Moreover, we become more and more disconnected from what is truly going on in the lives of others and ourselves.

Working on these deeper issues requires commitment and time, much like physical fitness training. We may have moments of clarity, inspiration, and motivation but changes only come after consistent actions that result from contemplation, aligned choices and actions over time. Also, integration is not something we just add to our calendars. Living in wholeness transforms our calendars so that our activities and inactivities reflect a stronger, healthier, more sustainable life.

So what do we do to grow in wholeness and how do we get started?

Contemplation is a basic essential:

• The action of looking thoughtfully at something for a long time.

• Deep reflective thought.

It’s spending time to get clearer about what is really going on internally and externally. This involves deeper and broader knowledge of self and others. It’s not settling for conclusions that were not honestly and fairly obtained through sincere, patient and humble communication with trust and vulnerability.

That’s a starter for our insides, our heart and mind. But we need to love our bodies too. Diet, rest, and exercise are the essentials and there’s a ton of content on them.

At this point, I just want to give some focus to stability and strength training as an effective means to greater wholeness. We want exercise that significantly, systemically improves us. This will come through regular core and strength building movement of local and global muscles.

Our skeletal muscle system of approximately 600 muscles is the organ of longevity.

Thriving in the second half of life will depend on the size and strength of our muscles, not simply cardiovascular fitness. Dr. Gabrielle Lyon has identified skeletal muscles are our our body’s largest endocrine organ. When meaningfully engaged through strenuous contractions, hormones are released that improve our body’s ability to metabolize nutrients. This important fact is radically connected to cardiovascular disease and pathologies like diabetes and obesity; these conditions involve an inability to regulate and utilize nutrients ie. carbs and fats. Dr. Lyon traces this to a lack of muscle/ muscular movement.

I recently got my physical trainer’s certification from National Academy of Sports Medicine and am ready to help you create and develop a program to improve stability and strength. From now until the end of June, I’m offering a complimentary assessment and program design to the first 20 of you who respond.

If you’re interested, please email me at FamilyConnectionsCoach@gmail.com and I’ll send you an assessment to complete and return. From there, we can work together to come up with a dynamic routine to cultivate better connections with your body. I look forward to hearing from you and partnering with you to become stronger and more integrated as we head into the back half of 2022 to ramp up for an awesome 2023 and beyond.

Am I suggesting strength training as the cure all? Yes and no.

Yes in that it’s an important place to start.

No in that it doesn’t stop there.

It’s about wholeness and the transformation that greater integration brings. We don’t know what that will be until we experience the radical changes from the inside out.

Bring your head, heart and body together and who knows what miracles and gifts Love will produce!

Thinking of Starting a Career in Healthcare? Expert Tips for Stay-At-Home Parents

(Photo via Pexels)

By Clarence Wilkins

It isn’t uncommon to want to change careers in your late 20s, 30s, or 40s. In fact, CNBC reports that the average age at which people switch careers is 39. Those who have left the traditional workplace to become a stay-at-home parent may decide as their children start to get older that returning to work is the right option for their life circumstances. Instead of jumping back into the same field, many individuals will return to school to begin an entirely new career path.

If you are a stay-at-home parent who is considering starting a career in healthcare, review these helpful tips from Family Connections Coaching. 

Research career paths and degree programs

The field of healthcare is brimming with opportunities. With so many areas of study and expertise, the possibilities for your new career are truly endless. Nurses in particular are in high demand and can thrive in today’s field.

That is why it is essential to research career paths and degree programs of interest. Explore all possible options before settling on your final choice. If you haven’t been in school for a long while or if you remain undecided about what field is right for you, this is a fantastic place to start. 

Once you’ve completed the program, you can go on to others such as basic nursing assistant training. Plus, as the American Association of Medical Assistants notes, medical assistants are in high demand, which is fantastic for post-graduation employment. No matter what you choose, be sure that it is something you could see yourself doing for the long-term.

As you build your skillset, be sure you keep your resume updated. You’ll need it as you apply for internships and when you finally land the interview with a prospective employer. Fortunately, it’s easier than ever to create one by using free, online resume templates that allow you to enter all your information and choose from a number of different designs and color schemes. By using such a tool, you’re able to quickly download your completed resume so you can either print it out or send in digital form to whomever needs to see your creds. 

Establish a schedule that works for you and your family

Adding school to the mix of everything you do at home can be tricky at first. Obviously, time management is crucial. If you already feel like there aren’t enough hours in the day to complete your duties, it may seem like going back to school isn’t a feasible option.

Thankfully, with the flexibility offered in many degree programs these days, balancing parenting, household duties, being a partner, and schooling is possible. Before enrolling in a degree program, decide how you would want your days to flow. Do you only want to attend classes on specific days? Would the morning, afternoon, or evening be best for homework assignments? Planning a mock schedule will further help you choose the school and degree program with options that are right for you.

Earn your degree online for added flexibility

If in-person classes are a definite no-go for your schedule, don’t worry. You can opt to go back to school for a healthcare-related degree fully online. Doing this will give you an added layer of flexibility that isn’t possible with in-person classes.

By earning your online degree in healthcare, you can develop a host of relevant skills and experiences. Online programs include healthcare information management, nursing, health service coordination, and health leadership.

Take classes at a pace that suits your needs

When you become a new student, don’t feel like you need to take on a full course load. Although you may be tempted to do whatever you can to get through your chosen program quickly, you don’t want to overwhelm yourself (especially at the beginning).

In your first few semesters, take classes at a pace that is right for you. If in doubt, sign up for fewer class hours to err on the side of caution. Becoming overloaded with the responsibilities of life and school could put you at risk for dropping out of your program. Whether you take 10 credit hours or just two, your class schedule should revolve around your life and goals.

Another important thing to remember is how capable you are. Having confidence and a positive mindset going into your program can do wonders for your grades, mood, and motivation.

Family Connections Coaching partners with those who want to elevate their commitment to developing themselves, to lead with wisdom and love, at home and work. Set up your free consultation today!

Wholeness

by Stephen Shelnutt

“Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.” Matthew 5:48

What a tall order! It seems overwhelmingly impossible that we might be tempted to dismiss it as not serious. But if we are to take wholeness seriously, it would only be to our benefit to take the words and teachings of Rabbi Jesus seriously as well. And really, what’s more whole than perfection?

This statement comes from a context of other difficult, if not impossible, words of advice: “don’t even be angry, don’t even look at a woman lustfully, don’t even retaliate, and love those who hate you.” Slow down, Jesus, you’re asking too much of us simple humans! When we think of living the kind of life described in the Sermon on the Mount, we might think of it as a lofty ideal, but not something to seriously adopt since it’s too hard. But ask yourself: which life is really harder, one that is full of hatred and violence towards your fellow brothers and sisters, and they to you, or one that has no need for anger, violence, and hate because, well, what good is it anyways?

Considering the two alternatives before us, “be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect” is not a new command that we will be punished for if we fail to uphold it, but rather a practical word of advice, a small hint at living a peace and joy-filled life. Jesus knows that human flourishing and goodness and wellbeing can only happen when people let go of the things oppressing us and take on the things that generate goodness. In a sense, when we finally start acting like our heavenly Father, who is love, and deal with ourselves and each other as he deals with us, then things will finally be as they ought to be. What else is meant by “right-eousness”?

And to be fair, it is hard. We’re just used to doing things a certain way, it “can’t be helped.” Except, it can. It might take months and years of discipline of adopting a new character, one that naturally doesn’t get angry, etc., but it can be done. The curriculum for adopting this new character and way of life (discipleship) will likely look different for everyone, and we can certainly learn from other experienced students who are further along than we are. 

It will be a long and arduous journey (such is the journey to life [Matthew 7:14]), and we couldn’t possibly discuss it at length here. So I will only offer one word of advice, an exercise to help you get started on your journey. Ask yourself this: do you really need to hold on to those parts of yourself? Your anger? Your defending yourself in resistance to others? Your condemnation? Has a situation ever really been better because of your anger? Has anyone ever “finally got it” and become better after you’ve judged and put them down? Have you? Consider these things at length. Be honest with yourself and the situation. Don’t simply accept things for how they appear to be; dare to dream of what they could be. And may the patient God of peace and love and all goodness be right alongside you on your journey. Always. 

Stephen Shelnutt is the Children’s Ministry Director Intern at Christian Layman Church. He is currently interested in discipleship and spiritual formation and is reading every Dallas Willard book he can get his hands on.

A Little About Wholeness

By Tim Fortescue, FaithfullyGrowing.com

Wholeness is when we lovingly pick up our broken pieces with God's help and allow God who sees us as beloved regardless to gently put us back together again in new and transformative ways that we could have never imagined.

Some of the realities of growing up in Appalachia in a working-class family delayed me from realizing my full potential and knowing that I am a beloved child of God until later in my life. Because of what I've learned, I get excited about coaching and the impact that I can have on others as I help them realize their full potential and "belovedness." As I continue to learn and grow, I want to help others to do the same.

For nearly two decades, I have been involved in ministry leadership in the church, community, and seminary settings. During this time, I have been impacted by life coaches and mentors who have helped make my life better. The impact others have had on me has helped me to be able to coach and mentor other leaders and people of faith.

My goal is to help people re-imagine their life and faith. I have extensive experience in life, personal and spiritual development coaching. My individualized, proactive, positive approach helps my clients attain their goals that lead to living life to its fullest.  

I am a professionally trained and experienced coach and I hold a Doctorate in Ministry Leadership. I believe I have the tools and understanding to help people create the life they imagine and get a renewed sense of self.
When I'm not working I enjoy going to the zoo with my kids, beekeeping and spending time thinking "outside the box."

Wholeness: a Destination, Journey, and State of Being

By Jedeiah Esteves

In an attempt to describe what wholeness is, let’s first say what it is not. The fact that we are discussing/contemplating wholeness means that we are not whole. Faced with the living circumstances of being incomplete, unwhole, fragmented, torn, etc…, how can we ever expect to achieve this perfection (the ancient notion of completion)? If we have knowledge of this perfection - mainly from our imperfections - then do we not in a sense possess a fragment of it in us? 

Perhaps becoming whole is possible because the seed of wholeness is fundamentally rooted in our very being, and the temporal nature of our existence propels us toward a mature image of ourselves while this mature image - the whole - is always connected to the seedlike and immature until the proper time when one actively engages on the journey to reconcile that which is with that one ought to be. Wholeness is achieved through one’s state of being. Because a human person possesses an immortal soul, we have some very limited knowledge of eternity, the destination. Hence when we choose to begin this journey and orient ourselves towards the destination, the destination engages us, changes our state of being, and gives us miniscule drops of eternity within time. 

As St. Augustine of Hippo said “you have made it so O’ Lord, that we shall never rest until we truly rest in Thee.” To be whole/complete/perfected is to be at rest. If a person fails to recognize that he has an extemporaneous destination and a temporal journey, then his state of being will not be elevated and wholeness will not be manifested nor achieved in this lifetime.

6 Smart Tips for Parents Who Work Remotely

Image via Pexels

By Gwen Payne

If you are new to remote work or are looking to switch to a remote job, you may be wondering if it is possible with young children in the house. Fortunately, plenty of families make working from home functional by employing a few clever tricks. Work-life balance is possible, even when there isn't a clear separation of work and home. From mastering your workspace to caring for your mental well-being, here are six smart tips that can help you productively and peacefully work from home. 

Reach your relationship goals, become closer with your partner, and improve your parenting skills with coaching from Family Connections Coaching. 

1. Set Up Your Workspace

Whether you have a dedicated office or not, getting your work area set up properly is the first step to having a great experience working from home. Make sure to clear your space of clutter, as research shows it can distract your brain from the things you need to focus on. Combining good lighting and inviting touches like candles or an essential oil diffuser can help your space be more inviting and more conducive to getting work done. 

2. Create a Routine

Children need routines to feel safe and increase their likeliness to cooperate. Routines also take a lot of stress out of the day by providing you with a solid work schedule. Single parents can have breakfast with their toddler or baby and then hand off children to family or daycare. Or work while they are occupied with sleep or other activities. Spouses can trade work time, such as 4-hour work blocks, during the day. Remember to prioritize time together and strike a balance that works for everyone. 

3. Facilitate Activities That Don’t Require Supervision

Watching enriching children’s content or playing educational games can keep your child occupied and learning at the same time. There are also plenty of quiet, hands-on activities you can set up for your toddler while you work that won’t be loud and distracting. 

4. Use Your Support System

Friends and family are often more than willing to help shoulder some of the childcare load. This can provide you with more quiet time to get things done without worrying about your child’s immediate needs. It can be helpful to actively create a support system so you aren’t struggling to think of someone during emergencies. 

5. Delegate

If your current job has you taking on a multitude of tasks while working long hours, it might be time to consider hiring some freelancers to help offload some of your work. You can find and hire freelancers through online job boards. 

If you’re looking for budget-friendly options, you can locate capable foreign freelancers. For example, you can hire skilled workers in India by using a job board like Guru. When it comes to paying freelancers, realize that traditional methods like bank transfers can be cost-prohibitive. Instead, you can utilize a money transfer service like Remitly. For instance, if you need to pay workers from The Philippines, they offer near-instant transfers for only $3.99.

6. Plan in Advance

Planning as much of your schedule as early as possible will help the week go much more smoothly. Sunday meal-prep can make meals a breeze, and having a list of activities and purchasing necessary supplies in advance will mean everything you need is already at your fingertips. 

If working from home is new to you, it may seem impossible to balance everything and stay sane. Fortunately, it is possible, and many parents just like you have made it work. In fact, once they get their routine under control, many parents prefer the comfort and pace of remote work.